Someone
by MyHeartIsAnApple
Summary: COMPLETE NOW! T/M A S5 story, It starts after 5x12 and follows the rest of the season. "She was surprised by the contact at first but decided to not pulling back. She rested her head on his shoulder enjoying his embrace and the gentle dance he was making with his hands on her back.He eventually whispered in her ear: "I'm proud of you, you know? You should be proud of yourself too."
1. Someone

She felt empty, unsatisfied, like nothing had really happened. She should have been relieved, happy in a sense but she couldn't.

Thomas Volker was in prison now, he couldn't hurt anyone, not anymore, then why did she feel like that? Maybe because a woman under her protection had died, maybe because she should have stop him before or maybe because she had played dirty to reach her goal, she could barely recognize herself and this was scary.

Her mum had always told her that she had to fight with all her strengths to get what she wanted, the problem was, she didn't know what she wanted anymore.

She always believed in justice, God she was the paladin of justice, but this case seemed to have changed everything.

She wanted to go home and sleep, hoping to feel better in the morning but she didn't want to stay alone, not tonight because if this was a victory, she needed someone to celebrate it with her .

The truth was she needed someone to make her feel this right, to help her understand that she couldn't have done anything more.

She couldn't simply pick a random man in a bar or one of those agents that seemed so thrilled to offer her a drink, she wanted someone that could understand her condition, someone that was able to stay in silence all the night but next to her because maybe she needed only this, simply solace.

She needed Jane, even if was quite scary to admit it.

Funny how she needed comfort from a man that had always believed in vengeance among justice, maybe she was really changing after all.

She was tired to act calm on the outside, pretending that everything was fine, she needed to be herself, to scream all her rage, all her fears, she needed someone.

Jane found her on the couch in her office, absorbed in her thoughts, eyes closed but awake judging by the nervous movement of her foot against the floor. She was tired and emotionally exhausted but she was still in her office refusing to go home.

Something was off, he could see that, maybe because he had been worried for her during all these days,

he didn't want that this Volker case became a sort of obsession for her, for his little rock that seemed always to watch the world from a cloud, acting calm like nothing affected her.

The problem was he perfectly knew her, he knew that she was staying there only because she didn't want to stay alone that night.. like he perfectly knew how difficult had been for him to keep the distance from her in these last days, especially thinking about Volker's slimy voice commenting her charm or about all the nights she had spent blaming herself for the death of that woman.

He had wanted to hug her, to hold her and to never let her go, but he knew that this case was too important to her and that she wanted to solve it alone, with his help of course but without betraying any kind of fear or weakness.

He entered the room eventually, ready to do everything in his possibilities to make her feel better without betraying any kind of his own feelings, as always.

He was used to do this, sadly.

"There you are, miss brave heart, are you planning to fall asleep on this couch?"

She opened her eyes, startled from the intrusion.

"Jane, do you mind announce your presence like a normal person in the future? You scared me."

"Sorry grumpy, seriously though, why are you still here?" He asked.

"I was trying to relax before you interrupted me." She answered him trying to hide how pleased she was for his presence.

"You could perfectly relax at home on your own couch and with a decent glass of wine, don't you think?"

"I'm fine here." She answered tiredly

"Liar." He teased her.

She didn't reply and busied herself playing with the fringes of the pillow she was holding.

Jane touched briefly her hand catching her attention, "Lisbon, look at me.. how do you feel?"

She stared back at him contemplating her answer, "Do you want the truth?"

"Well it's not like I wouldn't call your bluff anyway." He smiled at her.

"Fine, I don't know how I'm feeling, honestly Jane, I thought to feel better at this point, relieved in a sense but the truth is I can't feel nothing, nothing good at least."

"Why Lisbon? You put a sociopath in prison and saved a little boy's life.. you kept working on this case despite everything and you reached your goal in the end."

"Yes and an innocent woman died because I couldn't protect her." She replied sharply.

"Lisbon Lisbon, do you realize that I'm telling you the same exact things that you keep telling me each time after a Red John's case? It wasn't your fault and you perfectly know it."

They stayed in silence for a while before Jane started to speak again,

"this is not what is really bothering you Lisbon, am I right?"

God she hated him or maybe she loved him, she hadn't decided yet.

"Yes you're right.. look the fact is, I can't recognize myself, I did things that I shouldn't have but I also enjoyed doing it and now I'm here unsatisfied because the man I chased for months will end up in a prison and God only knows how things will be in the end. "

"What are you saying Lisbon? Would have you preferred to kill the bastard instead of putting him in prison?" He perfectly knew that she didn't want that but he wanted to let her talk, to make her feel that she wasn't alone.

"God Jane, no.. I don't know, I mean I'm only thinking that I don't know how I would have reacted if Volker had hurt one of the person I care about, what if he had killed one of my brothers or one of the team.. or you.. I would have been so controlled? I don't know and this is scary.. it's like this case made me doubt about who I am."

She was fighting back the tears at this point and he obviously noticed it, he wanted to reassure her, to make her feel better but for once he didn't know what to say.

"Lisbon, I'm not the perfect person to talk about this kind of things you know, but you had always believed in justice, it's who you are, don't be so affected by a single case, you're stronger than this and you know it."

"I know, I think I'm only saying nonsenses I'm sorry.. I should probably go home anyway."

She stood up quickly from the couch hiding how unhappy she was to leave.

"Lisbon, wait." He grabbed her hand then and pushed her against him, resting his hand on her back without letting her go.

She was surprised by the contact at first but decided to not pulling back. She rested her head on his shoulder enjoying his embrace and the gentle dance he was making with his hands on her back.

He eventually whispered in her ear: "I'm proud of you, you know? You should be proud of yourself too."

She replied putting her arms around him making him realize how much she needed these words.

"Thank you, Jane."

She stepped out of his embrace smiling at him but the truth was she wasn't ready to leave him, not yet.

"You should get some sleep now." He said.

"Yes you're right.. good night Jane." She smiled at him one last time.

"Night Teresa." He answered softly.

She was almost out of the door when she couldn't stop herself,

"Jane, do you want to eat something at my place?" She asked shyly.

And then there was silence, long utter silence.

Oh God Teresa what have you done? Wait, it's not like they hadn't eaten together before, but maybe that was too much, she wanted to dig a hole in the ground and hide her head inside it like some kind of ostrich.

Jane was enjoying too much her internal struggle to reply immediately, she was too adorable.

He would have accepted her invitation in the end even if he had promised to himself long ago to try to keep the distances from her as much as possible but tonight he couldn't deny her anything, he didn't want to.

"Sorry Jane, this is a stupid idea it's that I didn't want to stay alone tonight, I know I'm silly it's that.."

"I'd love to Lisbon." He said, hiding his amusement .

"What?" She was confused now.

"I said I'd love to have dinner with you at your place."

"Oh.. good, let's go then."

"Let's go, indeed." He smiled his brighter smile at her and led her outside her office, his hand on the small of her back, as always.


	2. Happy memories

**AN: thanks for the lovely reviews, especially to the ones I couldn't reply directly! This is the second chapter, I still don't know if I'll add another one. Enjoy!**

**I don't own The Mentalist.**

They had dinner at her place, well dinner had consisted in two frozen pizzas more frozen that pizzas even after the oven's session. She didn't care, it was Jane after all, it's not like she needed to impress him.

The truth was she had tried to do it, especially lately; she was more careful about what she wore, about her hair, about all those things that women cared about. She kept telling to herself that she did that only to feel better, to improve her self-esteem in a sense but the reality was she did that to impress him, maybe even subconsciously.

He had just told her that afternoon that he was proud of her, that, in her diary was one of the things she cared the most. She wanted to be interesting for him, challenging and that wasn't easy especially for a minds reader that found her more than translucent. It was silly perhaps but Lorelai's arrival had changed everything for her; it had changed especially the idea of Jane that she had, the one in which Jane was a sort of asexual human being that found tea and tacos more exciting than pretty women.

So maybe some lovely blouses and more make-up could show him a new side of her, more feminine and why not, more attractive.

After their cold dinner, they found themselves on her couch, their glasses of wine followed them on the side table, or at least her glass of wine, Jane had chosen tea, as always, and she was ready to tease him about it.

"Do you think there is a world, an imaginary one, in which you could stop drinking tea all day? You're such a miss, tea instead of strong wine." She asked amused.

"I strongly believe I would keep drinking tea in every possible world, I'm sorry."

They drank in silence for some minutes then he started again.

"So, in this hypothetical imaginary world what would you do Agent Lisbon?" He asked

"Well, I would be Agent Lisbon as well, I love my job too much to change it, even if in an alternative universe, you should know that." She replied amused.

"But my dear, in this imaginary world there wouldn't be violence or crime, so no need of tiny agents ready to save the world, I'm sorry but you need to pick another job."

"Dog-sitter." She replied quickly.

"Dog what? " He couldn't hold back the laughter.

"You heard correctly Jane, I love dogs and I'd like to spend the whole day leading them everywhere, I mean it would be so funny come on! Besides, I had two dogs when I was a little girl."

"I know that Lisbon."

"Of course you do Jane." She replied annoyed.

"Well it's not like I don't know by heart the content of your desk.. even if normally a woman in marriageable age as you would keep pics of her husband on her desk instead of puppies."

"Ah ah, that's funny Jane."

"I know right." He smiled brightly at her.

She snorted in response, but she was enjoying the lightness of their conversation.

"Well, I can picture you tiny woman submerged by hundreds of dogs." He laughed again.

" Ok stop it, so what about you great mentalist?" She asked suddenly curious about his answer.

That was an interesting question, especially because Jane in an imaginary world would have already kissed her sassy mouth long time ago, would have pampered her with ice-creams, mints for her pillow and romantic weekend around the world. He would have told her how beautiful she was only to make her blush watching how she tried to hide how pleased she really was. He still would have tried to protect her though, that wasn't negotiable.

He couldn't tell her anything like this of course so he opted for a playful answer;

playful answers were his best friends lately, they helped him to keep his mask intact.

"Jane?" She awoke him from his thoughts.

"Oh, ok let me think.. I would be a rock star of course with plenty of groupies at my feet."

She was the one laughing now, "Yes, of course.. sorry Jane but you don't really strike me as a womanizer type, not at all."

"Excuse me? Why not?" He asked pretending to be offended.

"I don't know, you seem such a hygiene control freak, seriously Jane, I can't imagine you making sad quickies in your dressing room." She replied blushing for the words just said, maybe she should stop with the wine after all.

He was amused now, "But you can easily picture me in leather pants, don't you?"

She burst out laughing at that and almost chocked herself with the wine.

He joined her in the laughter and they found themselves with the side of their heads softly rested on the cushions of the couch, smiling at each other.

She was so beautiful and he couldn't stop staring at her.

Lisbon intercepted his stare, "what are you thinking?"

"Nothing." He whispered back.

"Come on, tell me."

He sighed and replied shyly. "I.. I was thinking that your smile is more gorgeous in the real world than in the imaginary one."

She smiled at him for a moment and then started to laugh again, a lot.

"Lisbon?"

"Sorry Jane, but you're such a charmer sometimes, you're so full of it." She replied still laughing.

"Woman, that was a compliment, you're killing the romance here." He told her pretending to be annoyed.

"Well then thank you Jane for the lovely compliment."

"You're welcome Lisbon."

Maybe they wore the same mask lately.

After a minute of pleasant silence he spoke again, "It's getting late, I should probably go."

"Wait, we could watch some tv together, it's not so late after all." She told him hopeful.

"Sure, why not."

Lisbon didn't want to stay alone that night, that was clear now. This wasn't good, not at all.

It wasn't like he didn't want to spend more time with her but he had never seen her like this before, she seemed scared, vulnerable in a sense.. maybe she was having nightmares, of course she was, he should have realize it before. She just needed someone to keep her company and he was more than happy to do that without even thinking about it.

They watched a reality show, a cooking one.. the one with the cook always angry, that one but once arrived at the dessert she was already dozing, her head almost touching his shoulder.

Now, the smart thing to do would have been to wake her up or eventually to pick her up and take her to her room, then he should have leave and come home.

The problem was, it was tired to be smart, so he decided to lie down on the couch taking her with him. Her head found immediately his chest, his arms were around her, embracing her, not to tightly, he didn't want to wake her up especially because she would have killed him with her bare hands finding them in that position.

He could always tell her he had thought to be in that famous imaginary world after all.

It was only after an hour that she started to complain softly in her sleep, nothing too loud, but he could tell she was dreaming, not pleasant things thought, not at all.

His Lisbon was calm and cool also during bad dreams. Maybe he should stop thinking of her as his.

"Teresa, wake up, come on wake up." He said softly.

"mmm"

"Teresa?"

She opened her eyes then: "Jane? Oh my God, what are you doing here? Jane why? Oh my God.."

"Lisbon, settle down."

"I will not settle down, we were basically sleeping together."

"Oh well no, not yet at least." He teased her.

"I meant in the other sense, God Jane cut the crap."

"Oh ok, you're really a ray of sunshine just awakened, aren't you?"

She sighed but stayed in silence, now they were both setting on the couch, each one occupying one extremity.

"Lisbon, you were having a nightmare, come on let me help you ." he tried softly.

"Jane, I'm fine really, don't worry, you should go home." She replied not quite convinced.

"Would you please stop being so stubborn and let me try to make you feel better? God Lisbon you always try to save the others when no one can try to help you, never."

After some seconds of silence Lisbon started to talk.

"It was about Volker, but I don't wanna talk about it, not really."

Jane shivered at his name but after have recomposed himself said softly: "come here."

"Why?" She asked refusing to look at him.

"I wanna help you to sleep." He firmly replied.

"How?" She was sure he was about to propose some hypnosis stuff that she hated.

"I will make you think about happy things and try to influence your dreams."

"You can't do that."

"Lemme try, come on woman, trust me for once in your life." He said using his puppy eyes.

She looked at him, big error agent ,and found herself in his arms again despite she thought it was the worst idea ever.

After the initial awkwardness he started to talk to her.

"Ok, now, think about a happy memory."

"Ok, that time I punched you in the nose." She answered immediately.

"Ah, that's funny Lisbon, try again."

"But I was so happy after."

He snorted.

Ok now it was the moment to play nice, he was helping her after all.

"Remember that case with the transgender? You took me at the cabaret that evening and then that guy was singing that song.. I think that this is a happy memory.. nobody had died in the end, that guy found happiness and then it was like in that moment the real world hadn't exist. It was like living in a fairy tale I guess."

"Somewhere over the rainbow, I remember that, it was good indeed.. another one?" He asked hopefully. He was enjoying this moment so much he wasn't quite sure he was doing this only to help her to be honest.

"That day you took me to the carnival and I met Sam and Pete.. and Daisy of course."

He felt himself truly moved by this. "What about it?"

"Well it was the first time you introduced me as your friend, and you took me there, you gave me a glimpse of your past in a sense, it was like you were opening up a little with me."

He tried to hide how touched he was by her words so he decided to remain in silence and without thinking about it, his hand found her hair caressing her. She didn't protest, strangely.

Lisbon adverted the tension in the air and decided to change the mood. She started to speak again,

"Well that was good before you decided to ditch me taking my car with you, you asshole."

He laughed then. "I'm sorry Lisbon, I really am." He replied amused.

"I'm sure you are Jane." She sighed.

"Anyway my dear, I noticed that I'm always present in your happy memories, I'm really touched, thank you."

"That is because you are such a pain in the ass that the rare moments of normality seem amazing to me."

He loved that she had always a ready answer to everything, he had always loved that in her.

"What about your childhood Lisbon? Any happy memory?" He asked quietly.

He felt her tense at that. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have ask."

"It's ok but can we please leave this for another night Jane?"

"Why Lisbon, are you trying to invite me on your couch again?" He asked teasingly.

"Ok, forget it Jane. God I can't believe we are doing this."

"Doing what exactly?"

"lying here like two freaking koalas."

"Oh Lisbon, you love it, there's no need to pretend with me."

"I don't like it."

"You do, or you wouldn't squeeze my shirt so tightly with your right hand, I can see your knuckles getting white from here. Don't worry I won't go anywhere." He said seriously.

"Oh God Jane I hate you."

"Love you too Lisbon." That was a playful remark but if she only knew..

"Jane?"

"Lisbon?"

"Can you keep caressing my hair?"

"I can do that."

"Thank you. And Jane, one word about all of this and you're a dead man."

"Sweet dreams Teresa."

And she had them, plenty of them.

**AN: I know that in Jane's imaginary world his wife and child would be still alive, but I wanted to keep the conversation light and funny. **


	3. Swing

**AN: thanks once again for the lovely reviews; this is the new chapter, it is a continuation of the previous two but it's also a tag for 5x13, I just made my story go ahead following at the same time the continuation of the season. I think I will keep doing this.**

**I don't own The Mentalist.**

Her life was a swing, a restless stubborn swing that kept going up and down, down and up reaching incredible heights and sinking into the abyss a moment later.

The funny thing, or the scary one, was that she wasn't the one pushing this swing;

it seemed that a certain blonde guy with a damned smile that could make you forget in which continent you were, kept leading this swing without probably even knowing it.

She had slept in his arms the other night, she could still close her eyes and relive the sensation of his hand caressing her hair, or hearing the sound of his heart bit under her ear.

And that scent, the one that was about to convince her to avoid the shower that morning to keep it fresh on her skin for as long as possible.

That had been the most intimate moment they had shared together, and that was an up in her diary, a big up, her swing had been certainly high in the sky.

The morning after she found herself alone on the couch, her back was a tangle of pain, and speaking of tangles she was afraid to check her hair in the mirror.

A cup of coffee was waiting for her on the side table with a note next to it:

_Morning grumpy, you were drooling too much on my shirt, I need to change it, see you later._

_P.J. _

She laughed almost immediately; to be honest she was glad he had left, she wasn't ready to face that sort of awkwardness that usually followed a night spent together, even if they had only held each other all the time after all, but maybe that was even more intimate in a sense than rolling in the sheets with him.

Rolling in the sheets with Patrick Jane, she could clearly picture her swing touching the sun only thinking about it.

She knew that that night hadn't changed anything, she knew that once arrived in the office she had to pretend that nothing had happened, and most difficult, she had to pretend that spending the night in his arms hadn't affected her.

She was such a good liar after all.

And that was what had happened, who was the psychic now?

They had kept working together, exchanging theories about the current case, sharing ice creams and banters in the free time.

Jane was the same annoying pain in the ass, Lisbon the adorable grumpy boss.

That was good for her, she had spent the last years of her life doing that, and she was happy after all, not completely though.

The problem was that Jane was starting to isolate again.

And that was definitely a down.

He kept shutting himself in that dusty attic, he had even bought some padlocks to keep everyone out.

She knew what he was doing, he was working on a lead, she just wanted to be part of it, she was his partner after all, or maybe he was hiding a lover up there, for what she knew, she could just go there and find Lorelei naked on his bed waiting for him. God, what was wrong with her? She was losing her nerve, that was official, and all of this for a skinny, too skinny, woman that seemed come out of one of those fashion catalogs.

But she wasn't jealous, of course not.

All these thoughts had entered in her mind after her lovely lunch with Ray Haffner, lovely to be kind.

Ray was an attractive guy to be honest, he was smart, interesting, clean and this was not something to underestimate, especially for a woman intense and particular like her; that was how Jane had described her and maybe he was right after all.

Anyway, Ray's speech about her work and her life had annoyed her, a lot.

_-Is it the work or is it Jane?_

_-He's part of the work._

Yes, that was her classic answer, wasn't it? "He's part of the work", "he closes cases", "He catches the bad guys".

She was so tired of this, tired of justifying herself in front of the others, of looking for reasons to legitimize her behavior toward Jane. But Haffner had kept talking, aggravating the situation.

_-But if there's one thing that I've learned about Jane, it's that catching bad guys is a game to him, and he's gonna quit someday. Maybe because he gets Red John, maybe because, what, he just gets bored. When that happens, you're gonna be on your own. Driving out to some crime scene in the middle of nowhere at 5:00 a.m., asking Rigsby what sort of sad story you gotta unravel this time. Is that what you really want? 'Cause I think you deserve better. Think about it!_

It seemed that Ray had centered his goal after all or she wasn't here thinking about it; about her life, her work and especially Jane.

Speaking of the devil, the day after he had finally invited her in his secret attic, and surprise, no Lorelei there.

No Lorelai, only a ton of creepy pics and files about RJ and his murders; she would have almost preferred finding Lorelei, but not naked, that wasn't negotiable.

He had called her "partner" and he had invited her in his cave, that was an up, wasn't it?

She was such an independent and strong woman but the truth was that a man was quietly maneuvering her life like she was a puppet and she hated this, she wanted something back.

It was like her life had controlled by a man whose life was actually being controlled by another one.

After have talked about his list, without having revealed no name of course, Jane seemed interested to change argument.

"So, are you thinking about Haffner' s offer?" He asked pretending a sureness that he didn't really feel.

This woman didn't know that a single word from her mouth could really destroy him. It was already difficult think about her sharing lunch with another man, most difficult pretend that he was ok with this.

His Lisbon.

He wanted to be the one to ask her out, the one to invite her in the most exclusive restaurants of the city only to change destination at the last moment because his Lisbon wanted hamburgers and milk shakes instead of Nouvelle cuisine.

"Yes, I'm thinking about it, it's a great job, I could even become richer than you Jane, you should see the starting salary." She answered smiling.

"Of course, like you care about it." He replied back.

"You're right, I don't care about it, but I care about my life you know?" She paused and then resumed lowering her voice, "maybe a change is what I need, after all."

He knew she didn't really believe in any of this, but he was however curious about the reason she was saying that.

"Aren't you happy now Lisbon?" He asked.

"I am, not completely though. Sometimes I feel like someone else is controlling my life.. I wish I was braver, or maybe more selfish."

He sighed, he didn't like the turn this conversation was taking but he was the one to have started it, wasn't he?

Damn Haffner and his brainwashing, he was almost sure Ray had something to do with all of this.

"Lisbon, Haffner is trying to separate us." He said suddenly, out of the blue.

"Is he doing what? Are you out of your mind?" She replied back.

"He is, I still don't know why though! My guess? He is jealous, he has a huge crush on you since years, this is clear or he has something to do with Red John, the last revelations about him and the Visualize are not a small thing in fact."

"He hasn't a crush on me." Lisbon interrupted him.

"Oh don't be so modest now, he does, like Mancini does, and like your new friend Kirkland for the record, you're such a heartthrob my dear." He teased her.

"Yes of course, someone else Jane?"

"Maybe, well those new silky blouses and tight jeans are working after all, not to forget those voluminous hair, you're quite attractive when you want I have to admit."

"Gee thanks Jane! And for the record you're a jerk, I'm not changing clothes and hair to recruit men, you idiot! In fact I'm wearing the same old clothes as always and I don't have time to do my hair."

She answered annoyed, especially because the truth was she was doing that only for a man to be precise.

"Lisbon Lisbon, sometimes you forget with who you're talking but it's ok, we won't go there and besides you are right to refuse them." He said with nonchalance.

"Am I doing what? Excuse me Mister how can you know that? It's my private life."

"Well, you're too frustrated to be dating someone, besides they are not your types.. Mancini? Too boaster, Haffner? Too in the creepy department for your tastes and Kirkland? His voice irritates you, also his ties."

"I hate when you do this, I swear Jane."

"No you don't and besides, none of them is right for you, you deserve better."

"You know what? I hate that everyone keeps telling me that, and especially you, like you know what I want or what is right for me, you don't know such a thing."

She was angry now, he could notice it. And like every time she was, he found her adorable, maybe he had a thing for grumpy Lisbon, or maybe he was just falling hard for this woman day after day. He get up from his chair and approached her, maybe too close, invading her personal space because he loved to do it.

He started to talk again, almost whispering, she could feel his words tickling her ear.

"You're wrong here Teresa, because I know exactly what you deserve. You deserve a man who will love every single part of you, also the hardest one because you're too precious to be neglected, you deserve a man who won't be a cliché, a caricature of masculinity, because you're not a cliché yourself, you're stupendously complicated.. a man who will cook you your favorite dish when you're sad, one who will make you smile for every day you have spent crying alone in your childhood. A man who will put you before himself in every situation because you are the sun and he will be just incredibly lucky to be at your side."

Teresa found herself speechless and the fact that he had kept getting closer at every word hadn't helped, not at all. She felt his fingers moving a strand of hair behind her ear and she froze, unable to speak.

After some seconds, she whispered,

"thank you, Jane."

"You're welcome Teresa." And resting his hand on her cheek he softly kissed her forehead lingering some time more than necessary.

They stayed some time like that, her forehead leaned on his chin until she broke the spell.

"I should probably go now, I'm exhausted." She said.

"Yeah, you're right.. good night Lisbon."

She was already on the door when he called her back, "Lisbon, I meant what I said, every word of it.

Don't settle for men that don't deserve you. Just wait, do this for yourself, not for me."

Maybe he was being selfish, maybe that was just an implicit way to make her wait for him, but that would have meant that he was presumptuous enough to considerer himself right for her.

But this wasn't the case, he could be the most presumptuous man in the world, but not about this, not about her; he had always known that she deserved better than him and that was one of the reasons that had kept him away from her, not the major one though.

She smiled at him and then replied shyly, "Jane, you deserve the same things, you deserve happiness too, maybe even more than me. Don't give up on it."

_You are my happiness_ he wanted to tell her, the biggest of the clichés but it was so true.

"I'll try." He smiled back.

And then she was out of the door, feeling light like she had never felt before.

Her swing had just probably reached the stars in that moment. She wondered for a moment how bad would have she felt falling from that highness. Because she knew, after an up, there was always a down.

But she didn't want to think about it now, she just wanted to think about the man she deserved, the man of her dreams, especially because she suspected he had golden curly hair and some oceanic eyes.

Also that smile, the one that could make you forget in which continent you were.

**AN: Another one, yes or not? Let me know in your reviews please, I need them to keep going. **


	4. Butterfly

**AN: Hi guys, I'm so happy you're enjoying this story and thank you again for the splendid reviews. So, this next chapter takes place right after the ending scene of 5x14 with Jane and Lisbon playing poker in her office.**

**Alert: I apologize because this is a silly piece of fluffiness.**

**I don't own The Mentalist.**

"Ok Lisbon, let's make a bet."

"No way! You're cheating."

"I am not, look, if I win the next 3 games, you'll spend tomorrow afternoon with me, deal."

"Wait a minute Jane, A- why the hypothesis of me winning is not even contemplated?"

"Because you won't." He interrupted her.

" and B-" She resumed annoyed, " why should I spend a free afternoon with you?"

"Oh because A-" He spoke mocking her, "you'd love to, and B- I wanna go in a place and it would be very boring and not so funny alone, so, let's play."

"Tomorrow I'm busy."

"Lisbon dear, if being busy means having a date with your washing machine, I guess it can wait."

She gave him a not very friendly look and then: "fine." She gave up.

In the end, not only he won five games in a row, he even did the last two blindfolded.

Like she minded spending more time with him.

When she entered in the office that day, the last thing she had in mind was actually play poker with him, she only wanted to thank him for talking with Bertram, or better for teaching him how to bluff and how to hide his facial too facial expressions.

Now Van Pelt was happy with her new stage expensed by the CBI and all of this, thanks to Jane.

Jane that was supposed to be the selfish man, obsessed by the hunt of the serial killer who had murdered his family and nothing more.

She knew better, she knew Jane could be the selfless person in the world when he wanted to be;

that was one of the things she loved about him, he always tried to help people around him;

he was that kind of man that did charity not to impress the others but only to make feel someone else better, even a stranger and he did that in silence, hidden from everybody like a mysterious Robin Hood that stole from the rich to give to the poor.

Besides, even running the risk of being presumptuous, she knew he did that also for her.

It was strange but between her priorities, in the top 5 list to be precise, there was "make sure that every component of your team is happy."

Yes, because her team was her family, a substitute family.. her real one was far, too far and she had stopped fooling everybody with her "don't mix work with personal business."

She cared about all of them so much that the idea of disappointing them was unbearable.

Jane knew that and of course he had helped her, in silence, in his style, without even letting her know that he had noticed her displeasure.

She did notice though how Jane in a way or in another, was always able to impress her, that was the main reason she was so attracted by him after all. She was a balanced woman, someone maybe could find her a little boring, she was devoted to rules and manners (despite some little problems with inappropriate language but she had grown up with three little thugs, hadn't she?) but anyway the truth was she loved transgressions.

Not the illegal and wild ones, but some little transgressions that could make her life more interesting.

Jane in her diary, represented all of this. It was like with him, her mind could take a vacation, a small one before he did something stupid and irreparable of course.

And when there wasn't Jane, she found other transgressions.

Playing poker was one, some one-night stands during the year (not that she was really proud of those but she was a woman with needs after all), tackling bad guys 3 times her size on the floor and punching them in the nose when they deserved it or drinking tequila on her couch and dancing in underwear on her Spice Girls CD.

She was a boring and controlled woman with a passion for little transgressions; no wonder she was still single, especially since she couldn't help but compare every possible candidate with his unattainable prince charming in vest.

The day after she was waiting for him outside her condo, it was a great day, she wondered what Jane had in mind and she was a little scared.. ok maybe more thrilled than scared, that until he drove her around the city in that kind of vintage contraption, at that point she was terrified.

"The Museum of Natural Sciences, seriously Jane?" She asked incredulous.

"Yes Lisbon, I told you I wanted to come back to visit it and today it's the perfect day." He replied smiling his brightest smile.

"Oh God, Jane, how old are you,10?" She loved teasing him.

"Oh hush, you love it!" He replied still smiling.

"Not really Jane, I'm sorry to destroy your psychic bubble."

"Really? You stroke me as a Jurassic Park kind of girl Lisbon!"

"Yes that was before those monsters decide to eat the world."

"Oh come on, it will be fine, besides, this is a perfect place for a date!" He said confidentially.

"Jane this is not a date for God's sake."

"Oh it is, it has been ages since you haven't one and no, the lunch with Mr. Creepy doesn't count, I'm sorry."

"Ok, let's pretend it's a date then, what now?" She asked challenging him.

He smiled at her and she couldn't help smiling back, he took her arm and led her all around the place.

It seemed his habitat, Jane had basically one anecdote for every animal species, she had always been impressed by his culture, especially since he had skipped high school.

She wasn't interested in dinosaurs to be honest, but she was interested in that glint of his eyes that was lightening his face. She wondered how many times had he taken his little girl in this place.

She wanted to ask him about this, about his family; she was so curious about what kind of husband and father was before that tragedy, but she was afraid of crossing a line.

It was always like this with him, like building a house of cards, one reckless movement could destroy everything. She knew that and she was loving too much this last version of Jane, so carefree and light that she didn't want to ruin it, especially because she knew that it wasn't a definitive version.

Besides, she had been the first to avoid personal talks about her past even if the truth was she wanted to confide in him so much, to feel safe in his arms like that night on her couch.

Suddenly his words interrupted her thoughts.

"Now Lisbon, we could do like those guys in that beautiful film, "Bande à parte" was the title, and run across the museum beating the world record.. Jean-Luc Godard was the director, if I remember correctly."

"You and French movies, I guess I'd prefer take a walk in the park Jane." She answered amused.

"Of course my dear, especially since I wanted to take you in the butterfly garden."

"Wait, what? Jane if it's one of those places with honey on the barks and flying insects all around you,

I pass."

"Lisbon, seriously why you have always to kill the magic, trust me."

And Lisbon found herself in a paradise of flowers and butterflies; she loved it, she loved the idea since the first moment but she loved also testing him, testing his patience and especially how much he wanted to impress her. She knew Jane was a megalomaniac man, that he loved dazzling people with his brilliance and his beautiful mind but with her it was different.

Jane impressed people because he loved being the smartest man in the room, because he was so full of himself sometimes that he couldn't help it. He did that to feed his great ego; with her though, it was another story, he did great things only to put a smile on her face, even only a little one. She knew that.

"_I wanna know what your face feels like when you're smiling."_

"_Cheer up, because it's better to be happy than sad."_

"_What I want is a little smile."_

She remembered all the times he had tried to make her feel better in his unique personal way.

Now she was in a beautiful garden that seemed come out from a sort of fairytale, she had leaned on a little fence, she could feel the wind messing up her hair, the scent of flowers and honey filled her senses, she had almost lost herself in that peaceful spell when she heard his voice behind her whispering directly in her ear.

"Can you see that butterfly? The one rested on that leaf." He said pointing at the colored insect.

"The green one? It's beautiful." She said pretending that the sensation of his voice on her skin wasn't giving her chills.

"It's you." He kept talking with her like that.

She laughed, "I'm not a butterfly Jane."

"You are, butterflies represent a transformation of the soul from something unsure, weak and fragile into something beautiful and strong, they represent the capacity to open wings and fly."

"Are you saying that I was a caterpillar Jane? I was a beautiful little girl you know."

"I'm sure you were, but you were also full of fears and insecurities, I can still picture you, with those huge eyes, too huge for your little face well covered by all those curls that you left free like a soft blanket around you, freckles everywhere, I bet you hated them.. and then let me think, yes, all those clothes large at least two times your size, the bulky backpack always with you to hide yourself from the inquiring glances.. then you started to grow up, to face the pain, the real one, maybe too early for your age, you fought that pain with all your strengths until it was possible, until the last minute and then, you left; You left your little city and you flew to San Francisco, the little caterpillar became a beautiful butterfly with gun and sassy mouth .. it wasn't easy though, it was a slow path, solitary maybe but look at you now Teresa.."

He had said all of this keeping his position right behind her, not touching her, only making his words dancing on her ear. She was stunned. Before she could talk, he resumed.

"_I almost wish we were butterflies and liv'd but three summer days,_

_three such days with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain."_

She smiled turning slightly, realizing that his left hand had found her side in the meantime.

The position was intimate, too intimate but she couldn't find the strength to move.

"What is it?" She asked looking at him.

"Keats, do you like it?"

"Mmm, too mawkish."

"Liar, you loved it, you did that thing you do when you're pleased with yourself."

"What thing?" She asked curious. They were close now, their noses almost touching.

He stayed some seconds in silence, only looking at her, "You touched your upper lip with the tip of your tongue, just for a moment." He said touching with his thumb the same spot on her lips.

She felt his nose brushing hers after that, their eyelashes were about to close when..

"**we inform our kind customers that the museum will close in five minutes, then we invite you to come close to the exit, thank you**."

That announcement, that loud and inappropriate announcement had ruined the moment.

Lisbon immediately turned away from him, "We should go, I don't wanna stay closed here all night."

She said trying to be calm like nothing had happened.

They returned home in silence, but strangely it hadn't been an embarrassing silence, more a welcomed one, like when you have just witnessed to something beautiful, perfect and you can't find the words to describe it, or maybe you simply don't want to find them.

"Thank you for the afternoon Jane, it hasn't been that bad, I have to say." She said unfastening her safe belt.

"My pleasure." He replied, suddenly feeling a shyness that didn't belong to him, this woman was destroying him slowly but nicely.

She was already out the car when she returned to him, he was still watching her through the car's window lowered.

"Jane, you don't need to win a bet next time you want to ask me out." She said smiling at him.

"Oh Lisbon, don't worry, it's not like it's difficult to win a bet against you." He said smirking.

"Bite me." That was her reply, then she smiled at him a last time.

Eventually she was in her house, her back rested against the door inside, with only one thought in mind.

She had almost kissed Patrick Jane. 

**AN: Ok, sorry maybe it was too fluffy but these two are my weakness, now, next chapter, if you still want it, will be a little different because it will be a tag of 5x16 that means Lorelai that means ANGST. **

**Will you keep reading even with a little bit of angst? Let me know, I need your reviews.**


	5. Yellow houses

**AN: First of all, thanks again for the reviews! Ok angsty chapter here we are, this is a tag of 5x16 and a continuation of the story. I tried to give you both Lisbon and Jane's point of view, I'm very nervous about this so let me know please(yes I am a very insecure person). Now enjoy it!**

A swing.

She had thought once that her life was a swing, but now after those last days, those very crazy days, she wasn't sure anymore.

Yes because a swing, normally, went up and down, down and up, repeatedly, now, not only she was down and miserable since days but she was also pretty sure that a swing couldn't reach those levels of lowness.

Maybe her life was a slide after all.

One thing was clear, the only place that could help her in a moment like this was the shooting range.

The shooting range was her safe place, better than any beauty center or spa, besides, she really hated being touched by a stranger, not to talk about those sticky chocolate oils.

She felt in control there, a sensation that had left her lately.

She took the gun and she started shooting, but for every shot, she could still hear one of his phrases echoing in her ears.

"_You know, I tell you about 30% of what I do."_

First shot.

"_Lorelei wouldn't have done this otherwise, I trust her."_

Second shot.

"_I confess, I may have some feelings but if I crossed any lines, it's not because I like her."_

Third shot, fourth shot, fifth shot.

Because one shot wasn't enough, that had been the thing that had hurt her more.

Not only he had slept with Lorelei, this thought alone had already been more than painful for her to bear, but now, he had also admitted that he could have some feelings for her, for the lover of the serial killer that had murdered his family. She felt sick only thinking about it.

She felt also guilty in a sense, maybe because Lorelai's death hadn't exactly made her weep like a little baby, at the contrary, she was almost.. relieved? Oh God, what was happening to her?

The anger was consuming her, slowly.

And all of this because of him; all of this because of Jane.

Jane, the same man that she had almost kissed two weeks before, the one that had taken her in a spellbound garden, that had helped her to sleep talking about happy memories… and taking her in his arms.

The carefree, happy and flirty Jane.

It was almost frightening how much he had changed in the last few days becoming a secretive, selfish and dark soul in a blink of an eye.

The question was, which side of him was the real one? She also perfectly knew the answer.

Both.

That was the reason she was attracted by him after all, and that dark side was the same that made the bright one even brighter and precious;

she was probably deceiving herself thinking that she could fix him, that she could tear him from the darkness like a sort of sunny angel, but did he really want that?

Besides, it wasn't like her past was much brighter than his; what a pair!

"_You know, some things, you just can't fix." _ He had told her four years ago.

Maybe he was right after all.

* * *

Jane was in his attic, his shelter, his safe place in a sense.

Not because he felt safe there but because when he was alone on that makeshift bed, he didn't need to pretend, he could remove his mask, especially since he was wearing a very heavy one lately.

He was reading a book, "Songs of Innocence and Experience" by William Blake, what an original choice.

It wasn't like he already knew every line of that book at that point, but there was a poem, one in particular that made him always think about her.

"_O Rose thou art sick._

_The invisible worm,_

_That flies in the night_

_In the howling storm:_

_Has found out thy bed_

_Of crimson joy:_

_And his dark secret love_

_Does thy life destroy."_

The Sick Rose.

It wasn't difficult to understand who was the rose and who the worm.

Lisbon was the rose, a perfect and beautiful rose, but she was a sick rose because his love was poisoning her. He had to stay away from her, he was still in time, he could save her staying as far away from her as possible.

He had been so stupid weeks before, he had charmed her with sweetness and attentions, he had almost kissed her for God's sake. That was about to happen because he had turned off his brain for once in his life listening only to his heart that was completely full of green eyes lately.

The problem was that days like those, filled by her smiles, her scent, her sweet essence, made him go on, made him find a reason to keep going.

Yes, there was Red John, but the idea of chasing and finally killing him never left any sense of happiness and pleasure in him. It was only a goal, maybe a thing that could make him feel better with himself at the end, feel less guilty perhaps.

One thing was sure, he didn't need distractions, especially now that he was so close to catch him.

And Lisbon was a big, his bigger distraction, every single freckle on her skin screamed distraction.

He knew he had hurt her, especially talking about his feelings for Lorelei, but maybe he had done that on purpose, it was all part of his plan to keep her away.

He didn't have feelings for Lorelei, at least not romantic ones.

He felt a connection toward her though, sometimes he had seen his own desperation in her eyes, like she was a mirror;

he felt sympathy for her, he had tried to help her but he had failed, as always.

There was a difference between him and Lorelai though. He wasn't alone; he had someone.

Someone that he had possibly hurt forever, someone that kept staying at his side anyway.

Someone with that huge pair of eyes that could make you forget everything.

He wondered where she was now, maybe she was releasing some tension in her beloved gym or more probable, she had assaulted the shooting range. His brave Lisbon.

He was dozing on his makeshift bed when suddenly a knock on the door woke him up.

Especially because he knew it was her knock.

"Lisbon, hi, why are you here?" He asked, not opening his eyes.

"I wanted to know if you were ok." She replied back almost shyly.

"Come on Lisbon, don't play with me, we both know you're angry, so stop pretending everything is fine, you're such a bad liar." He said now looking at her.

"Yes, I'm angry, so what Jane?" She answered shortly.

"Oh nothing, it's not that your rage is justified anyway." He said with nonchalance, closing his eyes again.

"Excuse me?"

"Let's see, you're angry with me because I left you apart, I haven't involved you in my plans with Lorelei.. you didn't like her, did you? She's dead anyway, better for you."

She was speechless for a moment.

"Are you serious, Jane? Do you think I'm a heartless bitch happy because your friend, or lover should I say, is dead?"

"oh, quite the contrary to be honest, or you wouldn't care about those silly things."

"Silly things? For God's sake Jane, you played me until two weeks ago, you filled my brain with those sloppy speeches about me, my childhood, about what kind of man I deserve, you filled my head with butterflies, happy memories and all that crap and you know why? You wanted to distract me, to give me a cookie while you were orchestrating your wicked plans.. you wanted me out of them and what was the best way?

Playing me? But you know what Jane, maybe I'm naïve but I'm not stupid, not all. So from now on, we will be colleagues, nothing more."

She finished her speech almost holding back the tears, because she wasn't mad, she was hurt.

"Have you finished Lisbon? You know, sometimes, you should stop analyzing everything I do."

He said annoyed, the truth was that only thinking that she could believe that he had used her all this time made him sick.

"Look who's talking, I'm not the mentalist here." She replied with a bitter smile.

"Well, it's different, that's my job, anyway you should stop believing in shades, there's no such thing , there's black or white, sweet or salty, a rose or a worm.."

"What?" She was confused now.

"Nothing, my point is, I'm a cold selfish bastard that will do anything to reach his goal, so stop trying to change things please. You, anyway, are a workaholic married to her job that spends her nights doing paperworks to impress his boss; your constant need to help hopeless cases, like me precisely, is a vain attempt to give some purpose to your boring life, or maybe you're just trying to redeem yourself because you had already failed once, you hadn't saved your father so now you're trying with me."

He said, unable to open his eyes and look at her.

She was shaken, but she found the strength to answer him back.

"So, I'm helping you only because I'm bored and I need redemption now?" She said almost shaking.

"No, I know you care about me, but you still remain a bored workaholic married to her job, it's always been what you wanted to be anyway." He opened his eyes then and saw hers full of tears.

When he was about to reach for her and stop this play, because it was a play and he couldn't bear to see her like that, she started to talk again, surprising him.

"I was six years old, it was raining.. it was one of those boring days, you know, when you wanted to play outside but you couldn't so you thought about some original games, like wearing your mum's clothes, play with the Play-Doh, or something like that, anyway, my mum took me in my room, she said to me: 'let's draw something' and I remember I was like: 'seriously? It's boring.' But then she told me: 'let's do it in a special way.'

She gave me the crayons, I had a lot of them you know, I was probably in my 'I wanna become a painter' phase, and she said that only for that time I could draw on the wall of my little room, like a real graffiti girl.

I was so excited, so I took the first crayon, a yellow one, but she interrupted me saying 'you need to draw what you wanna become when you grow up.'

Guess what I drew Jane? A little yellow house, me with a man by my side and a little dog.. maybe there was also a car, I was a practical little girl but anyway that was all I wanted to have, no guns, no cops, no paperworks.. your pathetic workaholic married to her job, wanted only a little house to share with his prince charming, nothing more.

You asked me a happy memory from my childhood once, here it is, I hope you liked it."

And after that, she was gone, leaving him alone.

Jane for once in his life was speechless, maybe because she had surprised him once again, she had given to him another piece of herself after he had treated her in a shameful way, his little one.

That was too much, he was tired to keep her away, to hurt her for no reason.

All these efforts will lead him at something at the end? He didn't know it honestly; so why keep hurting the most important person in his life? To keep her safe, that was his answer.

He could also stop offending her, but the problem was he was pretty sure she wouldn't have given up with him then, so maybe that was his only weapon.

He couldn't stop thinking about her glossy big eyes and suddenly he wanted to build a ton of little yellow houses for his angry little princess.

Maybe it was late, or maybe not, he only knew a thing, he needed to talk to her.

* * *

Lisbon had stopped at the little market next to her condo, she needed comfort food, and comfort drinks too.. chocolate and tequila was a good combination in her diary.

She was trying to forget his words and she was tired of crying.

Two hours, a chocolate bar and 4 shots of Tequila later, she was sprawled on her couch in an apathetic state, her old jersey was the only thing she wore, but it was too big by now, blame her inattentive washes, so it slipped in a not very decent way off her shoulder.

She was in this peaceful dreamy world made of chocolate and tequila when someone knocked at the door.

Lisbon tried to reach the door but it seemed like an incredible feat.

She opened the door without even checking who it was, another sign of her unreliable conditions.

Then she could see only blonde curls and an insecure smile.

"Lisbon, we need to talk." 

**AN: Ok ,don't hate me. So do you want this interesting conversation between a desperate Jane and a drunk Lisbon? Let me know and review please, I need you like Lisbon needs Jane.**


	6. White Fang

**AN: Thanks for all the reviews, especially to the ones I couldn't reply personally. I really loved writing this chapter, it's a little bit longer than usual(sorry), I hope you enjoy it.**

One thing Jane remembered about his mother: she always fought with his father.

The thing he remembered the most though was the words she used to tell him after their fights,

"_You know Patrick, people always hurt the person they care the most in the world; this is why daddy was yelling at me before_."

Jane knew it wasn't true, he had always hated those words, they seemed just a lame excuse to him , nothing more, but today something had changed, today for the first time in his life he had truly got the meaning of his mother's words.

He had fought with Angela in the past, plenty of times to be honest but he had never offended her, he simply couldn't, she was too precious to him.

Today though, the person he cared the most in the world had been assaulted by his harsh words like she was nothing more than trash.

Lisbon.

It was different with her, maybe because he had never felt that kind of anger before, the one that makes you say harsh things, that makes you be insensitive sometimes;

the anger caused by the impossibility to have someone, to love someone.

He could have Angela in the past, he couldn't have Lisbon now.

And the problem was that sometimes he couldn't stop being angry with her because she didn't do anything to make that easier for him; she could be rude, arrogant, selfish, not so damn beautiful but of course she was the opposite, she was the best person he had ever known.

So it was almost easy sometimes to be angry with her, it was silly, childish and unfair maybe, but easy however.

It was human nature, like he usually said.

Maybe his mom was right after all.

He had faked the whole speech about her attitude, about her in general, but he had been startled by the easiness with which his words had left his mouth, like it was so easy to find the right way to hurt her, the best way to get under her skin.

Now he was in front of her condo and for the first time in his life he was almost insecure.

He needed to find a way to explain everything to her without really revealing anything, or too much.

He thought to be ready in a sense, God he was so secure until few hours ago;

like when you think all night long about some great plan, or you keep formulating memorable speeches in your mind and then in the morning it all seems a really bad idea.

He was in that mood now, the morning after's mood.

He knocked at her door, sighing nervously; maybe she wouldn't have been so pissed, maybe she had already forgiven him, he tried to be positive.

One thing he didn't expect though, Lisbon in front of him half drunk and in nothing more than a little piece of cloth.

Great, now he was totally screwed.

"Lisbon, we need to talk." He tried a casual approach.

"Did you bring some food?" She replied loudly, too loudly like he wasn't a few feet away from her.

Ok Lisbon was a loud drunk.

"No, I'm sorry, I didn't think about that, I thought you wouldn't even let me in to be honest."

She snorted, tilting her head like she was considering his words; her hair collected in a long braid that fell on her right shoulder.

She was adorable.

"Come in, you're gonna cook me some eggs though, I'm starving." She said eventually.

"Of course you are." He replied noticing the half-full bottle of tequila and the chocolate's leavings on her couch.

"Just to be clear Lisbon, how much in a scale between zero and I'll start dancing on the table are you drunk?" He asked searching for the eggs.

"Enough to let you in after how you've treated me today." She replied abruptly.

Ok, she was still mad.

"Touché." He said, more to himself.

He started cooking her eggs after their short exchange; she was waiting for him sat on the kitchen's table humming not so softly some incoherent songs.

They didn't talk for several minutes, he simply watched her eating the eggs.

That was one of the things he loved about Lisbon, sometimes they didn't need to talk while they were together, they simply enjoyed each other company like an old married couple.

This time though, that silence spoke volumes.

Lisbon ate her late dinner and reached her couch then. She sat resting her feet on the soft cushion, her arms embracing her knees.

He sat next to her and he couldn't help noticing how her shapeless jersey had dangerously slipped revealing more bare skin. She didn't noticed it though, another sign of her numbness.

"Did you like the eggs?" He said nervously.

"Why are you here Jane?" She asked out of the blue.

"I.. I don't know."

"Great!"

"No wait, I.. I wanted to apologize."

"It was so difficult to admit it Jane?" she said rubbing her temples; she was in that state in which the drunkenness began to fade and you started cursing yourself;

that state in which you would like to rip your head off your neck, yes that state.

"Look, I didn't mean what I said, I didn't want to hurt you, I think that is the thing I want the less in my life." He said looking for her eyes.

"Yeah, I know." She said softly.

"Really?" He was surprised by her tone.

"I'm not stupid Jane, you were clearly White Fanging me." She asserted with a certainty almost amusing.

"I was doing what?." He couldn't help but chuckle. "You're so drunk!"

"White Fang, Jane, the novel." She explained almost annoyed.

"I know what is it Lisbon, it's was a sort of must to read between carnies, you know." He replied with a smile.

"Well, when Scott needs to leave White Fang because he knows he'll be happier without him, living in the wilderness, he throws stones at him to make him go. He doesn't want to hurt him, he does it because it's the best for the wolf.. even if it sucks for him." She kept explaining.

He was staring at her with an intensity that was quite alarming, like she had just revealed the fourth secret of Fatima.

"did I say something wrong, Jane?" She asked almost worried.

"No, you just surprised me as always."

"Me? I thought to be the translucent one?" She said playing with the end of her braid.

"_You're not so translucent since I realized I have feelings for you." _He thought in his mind.

That was the problem, he couldn't read her properly since his feelings were on the plate, since he was involved in a sense. Maybe because he was afraid to see things he didn't want to see, or maybe because he was too blinded by his own feelings.

He couldn't explain that to her though, so he decided to let her question drop.

"Am I forgiven, Lisbon?" He asked almost shyly.

"Maybe, I haven't decided yet." She replied hiding her smile behind the pillow she was holding.

She wasn't able to stay angry with Jane anyway, this was nothing new.

"You know, I was thinking that I should not waste the opportunity to ask you some things in your drunk conditions." He said changing the argument and hoping in something lighter.

She chuckled and he found that sound adorable, "I am not so drunk, Jane." She replied.

"No, but you're clearly less inhibited" he said and couldn't help but scan her bare legs with an eyebrow raised, she seemed notice it and began to hide her nakedness behind the pillow.

He smiled.

"Let's play at the secrets' game." He proposed.

She started laughing hysterically confirming her still unstable conditions.

"Come on, tell me a little secret Lisbon." He said resting his head against the soft cushion in a more comfortable position and still looking at her.

"Fine." She sighed thinking about something not too compromising, "I stole a little basket of strawberries when I was little." She answered at the end.

"You?" He asked laughing, "Lisbon, Lisbon, you little Lupin, I can almost picture you."

"Look there was this open market and I thought that they exposed fruits for the passers-by to actually take and eat them, you know, for free! I mean it was an innocent mistake." She explained laughing. "Your turn now."

"A man asked me out a month ago." He said suddenly.

Lisbon couldn't help but laughing, "O my God Jane, poor him, he had to be desperate or something to ask you out.. "

"Ah ah, that's funny, I think he's been deceived by my immaculate appearance." He said amused,

"now, you."

"Ok.. speaking of dates.. two years ago I watched the interview you did in that agency for meetings, the one in which you talked about the kind of woman you wanted at your side.. I know I shouldn't have, I'm sorry." She said regretting her words the second they were out of her mouth.

Blame the tequila.

The atmosphere changed quickly after that.

Jane stiffened next to her, surprised by the complete change of argument. He stayed in silence not quite sure of what to say; he felt Lisbon's hand on his shoulder then and turned to look at her.

"Sorry, I want only to say, don't stop finding her Jane, don't stop searching for happiness, promise me this."

"I won't." He said, caressing the hand still on his shoulder, _"I've already found her_." He wanted to add.

Then taking advantage of the mood's shifting, he started to talk again:

"I kept my eyes closed all the time during the night spent with Lorelei."

"Jane."

"It was my turn, Lisbon." He said with nonchalance, "anyway, I wasn't ready to spend the night with another woman, especially with a stranger, but it all happened so fast, one moment she was there and the next one it happened. I'm not proud of it, I feel ashamed only thinking about it for several reasons.. and, "

"You don't have to justify yourself with me Jane." She interrupted him.

"I know, I just wanted to explain it to you." He said looking at her.

"I was jealous of her, you know.. but not for the reason you think. I might have a very romantic vision of my job, I mean, I really believe in that partners stuff, and you're my partner so, sometimes, I get very possessive toward you for this reason. I always thought this is the most beautiful part of our work in a sense, you put your complete faith in the hands of another person that you trust with your life, because yes Jane, maybe I don't trust you with all your schemes and lies, but if I could choose a single person to entrust with my life, it would be you, no one else. The funny thing is that partners don't choose each other, they're coupled by someone else that decides to put them together, it's not their choice. With us though it's been different, it's been like you chose me in a sense, like you found me. And I know you started working at the CBI for your personal goal but, I like thinking it was like this. Anyway, when I saw that your trust and your interest were toward another person, yes, I was jealous then." She said and then noticing his smile, she added, "sorry, this doesn't have sense, I'm talking too much, God, I'm such a talkative when I'm drunk, shoot me."

He laughed and replied then, "I think I like the drunk version of you Lisbon, and your speech makes perfectly sense to me, but anyway, you didn't need to be jealous, you're the person I trust the most in my life, that won't never change.. and no, knowing that you're a strawberries' thief didn't change anything."

She smiled his favorite smile at him after that and they both knew that the conversation was over.

They decided to watch a movie then, but they both knew that was only an excuse to spend more time together.

Lisbon lasted not even ten minutes, he wasn't surprised; she fell asleep on her side of the couch holding tightly the pillow to her chest; she seemed like a twenty years old, he had always found amusing this aspect of her, especially when she dealt with bad guys twice her size; he could write a novel, "the curious case of Teresa Lisbon".

He stared at her some minutes more, he couldn't do it when other people were watching him, now he was alone and he could take his time.

He couldn't leave her there though, she would have already suffered a really bad headache in the morning, he couldn't add stiff neck and sore back to the package; so he decided to pick her up and take her to bed hoping she wasn't too lucid to notice it and to possibly break his nose for his audacity.

She was moving in his arms, bad sign, and then she whispered: "Where are we going?" rubbing her cheek against his shirt.

"Shh, sleep, White Fang." He teased her, then once arrived in her bedroom, he carefully put her in her bed, covering her with a random blanket he had found on her chair. He looked at her for a last time and was ready to leave when he felt a little hand grasping his wrist.

"Stay with me tonight." She barely said opening her eyes.

He felt probably a ton of butterflies dance in his stomach.

"You won't like it in the morning, Teresa."

"I don't care, I like it now." She replied back. "Just, lie down next to me, please."

"Fine, I can do that." He said more convinced now. The moment he touched her bed though, she instantly curled herself against him, her head finding his chest like a magnet had attracted her to him.

He reached for the ribbon that was collecting her hair and loosened her braid, suddenly anxious to tangle his fingers in her velvet hair.

"Jane, tell me something nice, I.. I need to hear something nice from you." She asked without moving.

He sighed at first, almost broken by her words, then started whispering slowly:

"_Let this sad interim like the ocean be_

_Which parts the shore, where two contracted new_

_Come daily to the banks, that, when they see_

_Return of love, more blest may be the view; _

_Else call it winter, which being full of care_

_Makes summer's welcome thrice more wish'd, more rare._

This was Shakespeare, only for you my dear, do you like it?"

She didn't reply so he decided to talk again,

"You know Lisbon, remember Brett Stiles? Two years ago more or less he told me that Red John had developed a form of weird and sick love toward me, this is the reason why he seems to hurt the people I care, especially women. I already knew all of this, obviously, but hearing it from another person made me freak out more than usual, it's been like something I always kept inside of me and I was afraid to face, was suddenly clear and obvious to everyone. You're wondering why am I telling you this, well because you need to know that the only thing I want right now is stay as close to you as possible, but I know that I can't.. and this is consuming me slowly because I'm tired of hurting you, tired of keeping you away.. I, I want you Lisbon, you have no idea what you mean to me."

He stayed in silence after his confession, expecting her words, quite nervous.

"Lisbon?" And then his doubts had been confirmed, Lisbon was asleep.

He sighed defeated. He had almost opened his heart to the woman he loved, almost, because he had only said half of the things he thought about her and she was sleeping using his chest as pillow.

He chuckled now tightening his embrace and kissing her temple;

One thing was sure though, from that night on, no more steps back.

**AN: here we are, we are close guys, stay with me, but please it's my first multi-chapters story so I really need your reviews! **


	7. All That Jazz

**AN: sorry for the delay guys, so this is the new chapter, it starts with the morning after because I know a lot of you wanted to see Lisbon's reaction, ahah! It will continue the story with some references to 5x17.**

**It's a longer chapter, be ready for the end, hope you like it!**

Have you ever slept with one of those giants stuffed animals when you were a child?

One of those that you actually saw as giant but now it could be defined like a normal stuffed animal, nothing too big or too special?

And you really felt protected by it in a sense, especially because it occupied half of your bed and even if it was often covered by dust, despite the multiple washes.

Lisbon was sleeping with her big stuffed animal right now, the one she used to cherish when she was little, the softest, sweetest toy in the world; how many times had she petted and brushed that giant bear?

Her mom was probably still cursing her somewhere.

The strange thing was, not only this legendary bear was bigger than she remembered, but she felt also trapped in his arms.. besides, the fact that it smelled like cologne didn't help, not at all.

Slowly, memories from the night she had just spent began to come back;

suddenly the strong headache she was feeling made perfectly sense;

suddenly she had the urge to keep her eyes closed forever.

It wasn't a stuffed bear.

It was Jane.

Not only it was Jane, but she could feel her left hand entwined in his curls, her head tucked under his chin, against his chest while his own left hand had found his way under her Jersey, touching nothing but bare skin.

She was paralyzed.

She felt his fingers moving slowly against her ribcage, she knew he was awake.

"Jane?" She said, not moving.

"Yes, my dear?" He replied brushing his chin at the top of her head.

"You have five seconds to get your hands off me, I'll give you three."

He chuckled and then he removed his hand slowly, leaving those kind of chills that she was trying to ignore.

"Jane?"

"Teresa?"

"Is this a dream, right?" She asked, still not changing her position.

"Why Lisbon, I'm flattered.. do you consider a dream being in my arms?" He asked teasingly.

"No Jane, I was thinking of a different kind of dream, you know.. something more terrifying, oh yes, a nightmare."

"You're so funny in the morning, Lisbon."

"Jane?" She interrupted him again.

He sighed and eventually replied, "yes, Lisbon?"

"I won't open my eyes until you'll be out of this bed, just so you know."

"Why, you're scared of being dazzled by my morning beauty?" He said smiling.

She sighed in response.

"Fine, but you know, you should just remove your hand from my hair, I feel trapped, do you have a thing for my hair Lisbon, don't you?"

"Bite me." And with that, she was the one who leaves the bed, not after throwing a flying pillow to him though.

What a sweet awakening.

Lisbon reached the security of her bathroom and then, she smiled.

She smiled because she had just spent the night in his arms again, because he didn't seem to mind it either and because she smelled like him.

She smiled also because she had asked him to stay with her and he had done that.

"Grumpy, Cho just called, we got a case, I wait for you outside!" She heard him from the door closed.

"Jane, have you answered to my phone?" She said in panic.

"I wish I have, but no Lisbon, Cho just called me, hurry up, I'm hungry."

"Okay." She wondered why Cho hadn't called her but she was pretty sure her phone was dying somewhere without battery, blame the tequila and the irresponsibility of the night before.

That morning they sang together, on a crime scene, in front of a dead body.

They had sung Kansas city, Jane had said to the Lieutenant that he was with her, like she was his partner..

-_Who are you?_

_-Me? I'm with her._

and most important, she had kept staring at his lips all day.

It was like they had shared a new kind of intimacy and she wondered if she could still pretend that nothing was happening between them. They had hit the bottom two days ago, he had hurt her, badly but she had forgiven him, quite easily.

Maybe because she had been selfish, ironically, for once and she just couldn't stand being without him;

it wasn't like she was a proud type anyway, never been.

Or maybe she didn't want to play his game, the one in which he tried with all his strengths to keep her away like he was a kind of poison; honestly she was pretty sure he was that, an addiction more than a poison and she had never had addictions in all her life, she deserved a smiling one after all.

She was looking at him from her office, they had solved the case in a couple of day and he was hypnotizing that veteran guy with memory loss to help him remember something.

Another sweet gesture from the selfish Jane.

They were returning slowly in the same state before the Lorelei case had ruined everything.

Like their relationship was a carousel that was always spinning and she was trapped on it or maybe she didn't want to get off.

First a swing, then a slide and in the end a carousel, he was a carnival boy after all.

She was still staring at him through her window, she hoped he was really helping that guy; sometimes she had thought to ask Jane to hypnotize her again, she was still searching some answers from her past, even if she was afraid to find them. She had always refused any form of psychoanalysis and she knew inside her heart that there was only one person she could rely on this kind of intimacy.

But maybe it wasn't a great idea after all, she had been pretty good at hiding her demons until now, especially to him; it wasn't like he hadn't already his ghosts to face anyway.

She had always been a secretive person, she didn't like to talk about herself, also because she had grown up basically alone with the exception of her brothers, but they had never had that kind of relationship.

Now for the first time in her life, she felt the need to open up with someone, to share her pain in a way, because it seemed like it kept increasing in silence inside her.

She was absorbed in her thoughts when she saw Jane in front of her, an amused smile on his face.

"I hate to ruin your soliloquy Lisbon, but, be ready at 9, we're going out." He said.

"Jane, what?" She asked confused.

"I said, we'll go out tonight, and you're wondering if it's better a casual look or a nice dress, pick the dress Lisbon." He winked at her and he left her office in the blink of an eye.

The jerk.

He was in front of her condo for the second time in few days, with different feelings this time though.

He was nervous, but happily nervous, he was electrified. He had basically asked Lisbon out without even realizing it, or maybe he has, Lisbon certainly not.

He didn't know why he had done that though.

Nothing had changed from days ago when he had tried to keep her away, hurting her, because he knew that anybody that get close to him, bad things happened to them, but after the case they had just solved, one of those in which you could see with your eyes how life can slip from you too easily, he felt like he was tired of wasting time, tired of hiding to her how much he loved her company, how much he loved the idea of seeing her in a dress, to spend the night trying to make her smile and to annoy her at the same time.

Maybe he still couldn't act on this feelings, but at least he could pamper her a little, or try to make up for the way he had treated her.

The second after she opened the door, he noticed the little black dress, strapless, to the knees; he swallowed.

Her hair were down, covering her bare shoulders, and that was good because he couldn't stop staring at her freckles in contrast with her creamy skin.

"Here you are, you picked the dress, I see. " He said smiling.

"Yes, but only because I was running out of normal clothes." She answered smiling back.

"Of course, my dear."

She was a little disappointed from the lack of comments about her dress, maybe he didn't like it.

"What do you have here?" He said, pointing at her ear; a second later a small gardenia was magically in his hand.

"Oh, I guess, this is for you, my dear." He said, handing her the white flower.

She smiled at him, smelling the perfect flower.

Twenty minutes later they were in a Jazz club; it was the first time they went in a place like this together.

The truth was she had already been there plenty of times, but she appreciated the choice anyway because she secretly loved that place, and of course Jane knew it.

She felt at home in every place with Jazz music to be honest; the notes, the chairs in leather, the combined smell of cigar and whiskey made her feel almost a poetic vibe, like she was stuck in a black and white movie.

They were sipping silently their cocktails, Jane had chosen something cherry-flavored for her, maybe it was a little too sweet, but she didn't mind. Everything seemed too much anyway.

"So," she interrupted the silence taking advantage of the band's shift, "how is it going with that guy? Is he remembering something?" She asked sweetly.

"Actually yes, but it's too soon anyway, I left him my number." He answered taking a sip from his drink.

"That's sweet, Jane." She was ready to change argument but then she remembered, "you know, sometimes, I ask to myself if you could hypnotize me again.."

"No way, Lisbon." He replied immediately.

"Why not? It's not like you haven't done that before."

"It was different, I've done that to save you because you were accused of murder."

"Well, why if I'd really need that? Are you scared to see something you don't like?"

"Quite the contrary, my dear! I'm afraid to be more amazed than usual by your incredible strength." He said smiling at her, then he kept talking, "why would you like to be hypnotized Lisbon?"

"Because I.. I would like to remember something good, when something so serious and tragic happens to you, suddenly you start to remember everything wrong, also the happy things, the moments that have made you smile, they're like distorted or blurry, like the pain had damaged them forever. So I don't know, I just.. never mind, it's stupid." She said a little emotional.

He perfectly knew that feeling, especially when he tried to remember the last night spent in his wife's arms or the last time he had braided Charlotte's hair.

"You can't choose to remember only the happy things Lisbon, there's no a filter that you can apply." He explained sweetly.

"Well, but it's worth trying it however."

She was toying with her napkin on the table, not able to meet his gaze, like she was ashamed of her fragility. Suddenly she heard him talk again.

"You could start having new happy memories to keep your mind busy Lisbon." He said, trying to change the argument and the mood. "Come on, dance with me."

She looked at him for some seconds and when her hand slipped into his, she knew the game was over.

They were dancing in an intimate corner of the club, her arms around his neck.

"Why did you bring me here, Jane?" She whispered in his ear.

"I love Jazz, Lisbon." He replied.

"You struck me as a classic music kind of man." She replied amused.

"I am in fact but lately I've developed a new passion for Jazz as well." He said moving her hair on one side of her neck to have a complete access to the other.

"Why do you like it?" She asked biting her lip.

"Because it's like you." He said, his lips touching her ear; "Its richness, its contradiction, its combination of sounds, moods, the intensity.. Jazz is free flowing, it comes from your soul.. they say it's the best gift America gave to the world."

"Oh, I would be a gift then.."

"Yes, but only mine though, you know I'm quite possessive with my partner." He said bringing back her speech of some nights before.

She tightened her arms around him, resting her cheek against his, she felt his left hand on her neck making little circular movements that were driving her insane.

He kissed her temple and whispered in her ear, "I almost forgot, you look beautiful tonight."

She smiled against his cheek, "I thought you didn't like the dress."

"My Lisbon, such a naïve woman." He sighed, "you know, remember that imaginary world we were talking about that night at your place?" He felt her nodding and then he talked again, "well, this is for sure a typical scenario of mine.. me dancing with the most attractive woman of the room on the notes of a romantic Jazz ballad."

"Ah ah, Jane I won't check to see if there are really other women besides me in this room right now." She replied amused.

"Faithless woman, so, what would it happen in your imaginary world right now?"

"Well, I would probably ask to this gentle knight to take me home."

"Really Lisbon? Would you ask this to a stranger?"

"Yes, but only because I have a thing for his hair." She felt his smile against her neck, "besides, I'm pretty sure he would like some tea, he seems the type."

"Ice tea though." He said caressing her skin with his lips.

The atmosphere was changing completely.

"And then what would happen after the tea, my dear?"

"Lemme think, I would start flirting a little bit, I guess." She replied smug.

He shuddered, "I thought you were already doing that."

"Oh, you have seen nothing." She said loosening the embrace and taking his hand.

"Let's go home, stranger." She told him, he agreed immediately.

They ran outside the club and were surprised by the rain, an hard rain that kept falling without stopping. They began to laugh and tried to reach their car, stepping in the puddles.

Another movie's scene.

Just arrived inside her condo, he made her remove her shoes, slowly, caressing her ankles and then he picked her up like a princess, making her sit on her kitchen table. He was in front of her, finding place gently between her legs and ignoring the way her dress was raising dangerously from her thighs.

He started caressing her wet hair, never interrupting the eye-contact with her and then he framed her face with his hands.

"Look at me." He whispered softly. "I'm so sorry for everything I said to you the other day, for every time I hurt you, for every tear caused by me.. for.."

"Jane, there's no need, I already forgave you, I'll always do." She interrupted, a tear escaped slowly.

"This time was different though, you were angry at me before, I jeopardized your career a lot of time, I lied to you about my plans, but I had never hurt you personally, not like this time.. and I want spend the rest of the night showing to you how special you are.." He said, kissing her forehead.

"Jane.."

"how every little piece of you deserves to be cherished." He kissed her right eyelid, then the left.

She pushed him toward her intertwining her legs around his calves, her hands slipped under his jacket.

He kissed her nose then, every cheek in turn, then the right corner of the mouth, the left one right after, caressing lightly her lips, barely touching them.

"Jane, we can't, please."

"Shh, just for tonight." He said, touching her lips for the first time, just a short kiss, like a whisper.

Then he looked up at her, almost asking her permission.

She grabbed his lapels, "kiss me again." And he did.

The kiss was sensual and sweet, she tasted like cherry and he couldn't help but letting his tongue slip inside her little mouth. She moaned into the kiss and buried her hands in his hair. When she felt his fingers on her bare back, she knew they needed to stop.

"Jane, we need to stop." She said breathless while he was covering with kisses her collarbone.

"Why?" He asked, biting her neck.

"Woah.. because I won't do this without being able to remember it in the morning.. I can't pretend nothing has happened tomorrow, I just can't." He stopped then, caressing her lips with his thumbs and kissing her on the nose.

"I would like to give you more than this."

"I know, but you can't, not now anyway.. and I can try to forget a kiss, not something more."

She perfectly knew this was a lie, she knew that she would have spent the night reliving that kiss in her mind.

She also knew Jane suspected it as well.

"You should go." She said getting off the table and walking him to the door.

"Evil woman." He said looking at her like she was the most desirable thing in the world.

She went tiptoe and kissed him on the lips. "Night Jane." She said and pushed him out of the door, leaning against it immediately after it has been closed.

"You're an idiot." She said to herself.

Two minutes later she heard her phone beeping, it was a text, from Jane.

_-Miss you._

She smiled and she replied back:

_-Jane, you've seen me 5 mins ago.._

His answer:

_-4 mins and 32 seconds._

She chuckled and typed again:

_-Don't write while you're driving._

Another beep,

_-I'm not driving._

She sighed,

_-Where are you Jane?_

-_Open the door Lisbon._

The moment she opened the door she found herself pinned against the wall, Jane kissing her with all the passion he had, his nails scratching lightly her shoulder blades.

"Go away." She said, biting his lips.

"I go, I promise, I just needed to kiss you good night." He said, kissing her sweetly this time.

"And for the last time." She added.

"You said that, not me." He said sighing because he knew she was right.

"Sweet, dreams, grumpy." He said, underling every word with a kiss. And then he was gone, for real.

She had no idea of what would have happened tomorrow, but a thing was clear, she sure loved Jazz.

**AN: here we are guys, so, did you like it? Of course it won't be so easy for these two, but at least something has happened, what do you think of their first kiss? Let me know in your reviews, you know how much I need them.**


	8. Maybe

**AN: Surprise, another updating! I couldn't stop thinking about the "after kiss" and this happened!**

**Thanks for all your support, your reviews mean everything to me! Enjoy this chapter (some references to 5x18 and 5x19).**

Ten days, two cases closed and several migraines after their first kiss, nothing had changed.

She was relieved and disappointed at the same time; more disappointed perhaps but not surprised anyway.

The thing that was bothering her the most was the easiness with which Jane seemed to be perfectly calm despite their current situation. Sometimes she thought he was a robot; maybe he had already suffered too much in the past, he had already felt every possible kind of mood or emotion that nothing could affect him anymore.

She was pretty sure though that their kiss hadn't left him indifferent;

Their kisses to be accurate.

She was used to deal with his perfect mask, especially because he seemed to wear a more opaque one with her, but when they had kissed, they had been alone, in an attainable bubble.

No masks, no rules, no Red John, no sense of guilty, only a genuine nakedness, only figurative of course, but it had been magic.

Nothing had changed, but she could notice the different way he looked at her, especially when he thought she wasn't paying attention; or maybe she was noticing that look now, for the first time, because it seemed more evident in a sense.

He was attracted by her, and this thought was driving her insane;

his brilliant mind attracted by her simple one.

He had compared her to Jazz for its richness, a free flowing come from the soul.. sometimes she thought he had a distorted way to look at her.

Anyway their carousel, yes because it was more a carousel than a normal relationship, was spinning faster than before now, at least from her point of view; a simple hand's touch, a mischievous smile, the gracious way with which he stretched on her white couch.. everything kept sending a shiver through her spine and she found herself on the verge to explode more than once.

She had desired to slap him in the face lately, hating that smirk that was constantly painted on his face;

not that she hadn't wanted to do the same thing before, but now it was different maybe because he knew for sure the power he was having on her.

They called it sexual frustration.

There was another thing to add in the mix, a pretty heavy one, Red John.

Jane was getting close, she knew that like she knew that Robert Kirkland, sensing the heaviness in the air, kept sticking his nose in their business.

They had met for a coffee the day before, one of the most embarrassing moments of her life to be honest. One of those moments in which you pray for an emergency call, a conflagration or a nuclear disaster. She knew Bob wasn't interested in her, actually she was pretty sure he thought to manipulate her to get eventually some info about Red John.

Like she was so naïve.

Jane had told her someone had entered in his attic, she hadn't questioned him about his sureness knowing that he had certainly fabricated some kind of trap to catch the invader.

Then there had been Lennon's death and Kirkland had been the last to see him alive, coincidences?

Jane didn't believe in them, Lisbon neither, especially since she had started working with him, another little part of her that had silently changed.

One thing was sure, she had learnt to trust only a few people, Jane and her team; Jane was of course part of her team but she couldn't pretend it wasn't a different matter with him.

Jane was her first thought, and not in the morning or before sleeping but always, he was the first, like an eternal presence, an addiction like she had rightly defined him before.

She wondered if Jane, in all this mess, could find a little moment to think of them, to relive their first kiss in that special mind, she wondered if he cared.

* * *

Jane was on his couch, observing quietly the movements of the bullpen; he had spent the last days in his attic, not only because of the recent events involving Red John, but also because he didn't trust himself, at least not around Lisbon. He had tried to stay away until now, he had learnt to dominate his instincts and desires toward her and then he had destroyed everything in one night. Like he hadn't actually tried to mess it up also before.

The point was, ten years before, chase and kill Red John was his priority;

Now, he didn't know it anymore.

That priority, that goal, was still the same but it seemed decreasing slowly despite he kept feeding it with his thirst of revenge.

But when you have to reach a goal and the road to get it is hard and tumultuous, every single distraction can actually make you change course; when this distraction doesn't make anything to seem appealing but it keeps hitting you with the purity of its beauty and simplicity, then you've totally lost control.

Lisbon didn't know the power she had on him, he was grate for this but it made him angry at the same time. She could make him leave his purpose with a single word if she really wanted.

He knew she wanted it, but he was also sure she would have never asked him this and that was one of the reasons why he was in love with her.

For Lisbon he came first, always.

He wanted so desperately to feel the same, to put her on top of his interests, or maybe she was already there, he was only scared to admit it.

He also needed to touch her again and he had never enjoyed those kind of things;

he loved sex of course, he loved it like every normal human being but he had always associated the power of the touch with some kind of manipulation, especially after Angela's death.. with his wife it had been different, as a matter of fact he had married her.

Now he just wanted to touch her, to give her pleasure, to shower her with affection.. to lose himself in her kisses because for a man like him, trapped in the mechanism of his own restless mind, that was the only way to be free sometimes.

No alcohol, no drogue (he hadn't still exceeded his last experience with the belladonna), not schemes, only her.

He was dancing through his thoughts in his mind when he noticed a man approaching her office;

Mancini, the cocky half-man that was hitting on her since the day he had met her. How could he not anyway.

He was out of her office, waiting for something .. maybe Lisbon was busy with one of her endless calls.

Jane anyway decided to keep company to the young wretch man.

"Mancini, what brings you here?" He asked, surprising him and patting him not too gently on his shoulder. One of the best way to annoy someone; he perfectly knew this because he couldn't stand casual touch from people, especially strangers.

"I need to talk to Teresa." He replied annoyed.

"You mean, Agent Lisbon?" Jane corrected him, smiling smugly. Since when she had become Teresa anyway..

"Do you need anything, Jane?" Mancini asked.

"No, actually Teresa seems pretty busy, I'm sure Cho or Rigsby can help you with those paperworks !"

"Oh well, I'm pretty sure that Agent Cho is a great guy, but, you know, I wasn't thinking about him when I made a reservation for two tomorrow at dinner." Mancini replied with satisfaction.

"How thoughtful of you, Gabe.. but I'm sorry to tell you this, Teresa is actually seeing someone, you know.. that tall, muscular agent that works on the second floor.. he's also black belt in something, I don't remember exactly, great guy anyway." Jane replied patting his shoulder another time.

Ok, he had been childish, ridiculous, presumptuous maybe, but the thought of Lisbon at dinner with another man was unbearable, even for a biofeedback master like he was.

" Well, I'll try it anyway Jane, thanks." And after this, Mancini found his way inside her office.

Jane was very tempted to steal a glass from the kitchen and to put it against her door like a five years old, but this was too much even for him so he decided to wait and to hope.

Ten minutes later Mancini was leaving her office; judging by his body language he seemed almost defeated, but never say never, especially because the man had never had a great posture anyway.

He was his turn to play his card; he was so damn good at playing cards after all.

He entered in her office, seeing her on her white couch, her head rested on the pillows behind her, one leg sprawled on the couch, the other planted on the floor. She was massaging her temples, silently complaining about something.

"Lisbon, are you ok?" He asked tentatively.

She looked up at him trying to recompose her posture; he closed the door behind him and placed himself next to her on the couch.

"Jane, have you said something to Mancini?" She asked, now rubbing her shoulder.

"No, my dear, I haven't seen him, why?" He replied.

"Nothing, he was trying to ask me out but then he muttered something about my jealous boyfriend.. well at least he spared me an excuse."

"Oh Lisbon, you know, rumors.." He said with nonchalance.

"yes, you're probably right." She said tiredly.

He kept looking at her, noticing how tense she was, how she kept rubbing her shoulders, her back, without no results apart from several grumbles and sighs.

His hand found her shoulder without even thinking about it, "turn a little, Lisbon!" He said using a low voice.

"What are you doing Jane?" She asked almost scared.

"Helping you, now stop being suspicious!" He said and she shifted so she had her back turned to him, her legs both stretched on the couch. He started massaging her temple with his left hand, the right busy with his shoulder.

She couldn't help but melting in his arms, leaning dangerously against his chest.

"You're tense, Lisbon."

She almost laughed, "really? Thanks, Newton!"

"Don't be so grumpy." He said now massaging with both hands her temples, his fingers slipping between her strands. He could see how she was trying to hold back the solace that she was feeling.. maybe more pleasure than solace.

"Can I slap you, Jane?" She asked out of the blue.

His hands stopped abruptly, not leaving her head though. "Why do you want to slap me?" He replied almost offended.

"I don't know, I guess it could help me to release a little bit of tension."

"Close your eyes and breathe in and out slowly." He said, ignoring her.

She sighed.

"I have the feeling, I will be more tense than before after this." She said honestly.

He chuckled and then he whispered in her ear, "I could help you with that kind of tension."

At the same moment, he removed his hand from her temple to find her left knee. He started to make small caresses on it, the other hand returned on her right shoulder.

"Jane.." she warned.

"Relax.." his hand began to follow the length of her leg until he reached her inner thigh. He sighed and then he traced her hairline with his nose, inhaling deeply.

"Is this a new perfume, Lisbon?" He asked curious.

Lisbon found hard to talk but eventually replied. "I went to the hairdresser yesterday, it's their shampoo, I guess."

His hand started moving again, exploring slowly her inner thigh.

"You went to the hairdresser for your meeting with Kirkland, Lisbon?" He asked almost offended.

She decided to play, "maybe." He squeezed her thigh in response and she couldn't help but closing her legs abruptly , a little moan escaped from their mouths.

"Don't play with me, Teresa."

"Are you jealous, Jane?" She asked while he was busy biting her earlobe.

"Maybe." He said, mocking her. His hand had almost found the button of her jeans when a strong knock on the door interrupted their fantasy.

She had launched herself out of the couch a second before Cho had opened the door.

"Yes Cho, tell me." She said breathless, too loudly and a little too enthusiastic.

Cho was surprised by her jumpiness but he decided to not comment politely.

"There's a call for you, Boss." He replied looking briefly at Jane.

"I got it, thank you Cho." She was moving closer to her desk when Cho stopped her again.

"Boss, it won't be an easy call, be ready." And then he was out of her office.

Jane looked at her, his gaze full of curiosity and concern.

She picked up the phone, "hello, this is Agent Lisbon."

"Miss Lisbon, what a pleasure to hear your lovely voice again."

Jane saw Lisbon's face getting pale, rage filled her eyes.

"What the hell do you want?" She asked harshly.

"Oh, how much I missed your fighting spirit, I need you here."

"Forget it."

"I wouldn't be so rude if I was you Miss, I think I really have something very interesting for you here."

"What kind of thing?"

"Come here, alone, and we'll talk."

"We'll see."

"And Teresa, I hope you're still wearing those lovely tight jeans that do amazing things .."

And in that moment she ended the call, feeling a strong sickness.

Jane approached her desk, put an hand over her small one and when their eyes met he finally asked,

"Lisbon, who was at the phone?"

She inhaled deeply and eventually replied: " Thomas Volker."

**AN: look who's back?! What does Volker have to say to Lisbon? Opinions, ideas?**

**Will he interfere with Jane and Lisbon's relationship?**

**Another question, like you can see, things are starting to get serious between Jane and Lisbon, it's possible that there will be some intimate moments between them, nothing too explicit of course, maybe a strong T or a very very light M for the rating.. is this a problem? Let me know because I will do as you prefer. Review please**

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter! **


	9. Jump!

**AN: first of all, thanks for all your support. This is my first multi-chapter, I never thought to receive this outcome, honestly I don't know if I deserve it, but thanks to everyone. You make my day.**

**A particular thanks to the guests, I wish I could answer you personally (Ranita, I was having a very bad day and your review changed my mood completely, thanks!)**

**Yes, I have a thing for reviews and kind people.**

**Enjoy the chapter!**

"What is this about?" She interrupted him sharply.

"Do you mean, who?" He replied smug.

"Who then?"

And then he said the only name that she had hoped not to hear.

**An hour before.. **

She was in her office, thinking.

Jane hadn't left her, even for a second and she didn't want to stay alone.

She wondered how a man like Volker could have all this power over her, how his voice could penetrate inside her making her feel dirty and powerless at the same time.

She realized that also the man in front of her in that moment had all the power of the world over her.. a different power, stronger and more hopeless. Maybe she was the problem, maybe she had to stop playing the part of the independent woman, ready to fight the universe on her own when a single man could cause her all this restless agony.

"Lisbon?" Jane tried to draw her attention. "You don't have to go, you know it right?"

She considered this for a moment but then she found the idea almost stupid.

"Of course I will, I need to go right now." She answered back.

"Look, I don't want you to go, I don't like this situation, I don't like the way he plays with your mind and.. I don't like the way he looks at you." Jane said shyly.

"Yes, because you're the only one that can play with my mind." She snapped back, regretting her words almost immediately. He was trying to help her, he was worried for her after all.

"I'm sorry Jane, I'm just nervous."

He sighed and then he took her hand, playing with her fingers.

"It's ok, if you want to go, then go, just.. be careful."

"I need some closure Jane, I don't want to have ghosts ready to haunt me for the rest of my life, it's better this way, trust me."

"I always trust you." He said, kissing her fingers.

That was the difference between them, he thought; he trusted her with all his heart and mind, she obviously didn't. She had told him once that he was her partner and that she trusted him with her life, but Jane was pretty sure she was more in love with this romantic idea of being partners, that she knew he could have done everything to save her, to not hurt her.. but maybe physically speaking, what about to hurt her as a person, with all her frailties? He was sure that this was a different matter, especially since she had basically given her heart to him. She had never revealed her feelings though, funny how he had been the first to do it holding a gun pointed at her.

Like their love was an ultimatum.

But that confession didn't count after all.

He wanted to ask her a lot of things, he wanted to know what she could possibly find in a man like him, why she didn't search for something better, but he didn't want to hear the answers, maybe he wasn't ready, maybe he was scared of pushing her away.

She was vulnerable, insecure and he had suddenly the incredible urge to make promises he couldn't keep.

"Call me right after, please." He said, leaving her hand.

"Of course." She smiled back.

Lisbon was outside the room, ready to see Volker;

She wasn't curious, she wasn't scared, she was tired.

Everything had changed in the last days, she was overwhelmed by different feelings, one minute she lost herself in the memory of Jane's amazing kisses, of his hand caressing her and leaving chills everywhere, the minute after she lost herself in different chills, knowing that even the thought alone of him leaving her could destroy her all over again.

She just wanted to live this relationship with the lightness that usually marked the first days, the honeymoon phase, when all you can see are little hearts and colorful flowers.

She knew that this wasn't possible with Jane, maybe unconsciously this uncertainty was making everything even more exciting.

The struggle.

And then Volker's call had interfered in her already confused mind, like that wasn't enough.

She took a breath, tightening the belt of her trench, she wished she could enter with a bag on her head to be honest. Funny how she had perfectly curled her hair that morning and she had spent a little more time than she usually did to apply her make-up.. all of this to impress another man.

She was regretting her choice.

Now she was ready to meet in fact that last man in the world she wanted to please.

_One step at the time, Teresa._

She thought, opening the door.

Volker looked at her almost immediately, his eyes studying her from head to toe.

"Teresa, finally! You look lovely as always." He greeted her.

"I don't have time, just talk." She answered, leaning against the wall.

"Come here, take a seat please."

She snorted and eventually she sat down in front of him. She heard him inhaling deeply and she felt the urge to throw up.

"How much I missed your spicy perfume.. it always turns me on."

"What is this about?" She interrupted him sharply.

"Do you mean, who?" He replied smug.

"Who then?"

And then he said the only name that she had hoped not to hear.

"Red John, obviously."

The time seemed to have stopped for a moment.

"Wh-what do you mean?" She asked incredulous.

"You're so sweet Teresa, I mean that I have info about him." He said staring deeply at her, like her reaction meant everything to him.

"You're bluffing." She said, pretending a sureness she didn't feel.

"Look, during our intense liaison Teresa, a man came to me once, he told me that his boss didn't like the way I was playing with you and to stay away from you and your consultant.. you know, I was surprised to be honest, it was like this childish man was angry because somebody else was playing with his favorite toys.. obviously, I decided to play with you a little bit, you were too irresistible but then threats started and I realized that it wasn't a game anymore. I was very sad though.. the things I had planned for you Teresa, you have no idea.."

"How do you know it was him?" She asked, trying to hide her apprehension.

"His man told me that and all the threatening mails that he sent to me were signed by J. Roth.. I'm not stupid, you know."

"Could you recognize that man?" She asked.

"Oh, that's exactly the reason why you're here Agent Lisbon.. I could tell you everything I remember if only.."

"What do you want?"

"You will testify on my behalf to ask for clemency at my first trial." He explained.

She laughed, not even amused, "Are you insane? I would never do that, I was the one who chased you for months and put you in prison, you son of a bitch."

It was his turn of laughing now, "You know, Miss Lisbon, I'm kinda disappointed.. I always thought there was something deep and meaningful between you and that charlatan, the way he protected you, threatened me in front of you, I don't know, I always smelled a romantic vibe.. that kind of love that makes you do everything in your power for the happiness of the one you love.. because we both know the creepy obsession that makes your friend go on.. a single minute on google, a click, and you can easily enter in Patrick Jane's life.. what a tormented man, I wonder how much he's still suffering.. ten years and still no results."

"Go to hell." And with that, she left the room.

She went home, right after the meeting; she had mixed feelings, but one thing was clear, she didn't want to see anybody; she sent a meaningless text to Jane, not trusting to call him,

_We talked, nothing important, he just wanted to play. I'm going home, too tired, see you tomorrow._

She wasn't ready to tell him the truth, she wasn't even ready to think about what had just happened.

She was in front of a crossroads, like they called it.

One road to Jane, one road to herself?

It wasn't exactly like this, maybe because she knew that his happiness meant more than hers?

She was scared of how she was losing control, her life was slipping between her hands and the person that was making her lose the road was actually the one with which she was madly in love.

She loved her job, she loved being good at her job, Volker had been a strong inducement, leaving the creepy factor apart; she had fought with all her strengths to put him in prison and now she had to give up that to give a new lead to Jane? To bring his revenge closer?

Funny.

She had always blamed those women who changed completely for a man, like they were under some kind of spell, she had actually judged them more than once, now she was in a similar state. She couldn't even regret of having kissed him, it wasn't like she would have been in a different position now.

One thing was sure, she needed him more than before, but she was too proud to admit it.

She was just proving to herself that she was still the strong and independent woman that could take this kind of decisions alone, without too much drama and without his brainwashing.

But then she thought about the sweet nonsenses he had whispered before kissing her, that touch of jealousy that made him sexier than usual.

She loved the fact he was possessive toward her.

She loved the fact that he felt a sense of belonging toward her.

She loved also entwining her fingers between his curls, but this was another story.

She took a shower, her plan was to skip dinner and go directly in bed, also because she didn't trust herself and her actions. She was passing a towel between her wet hair when a knock of the door interrupted her dancing and quite incoherent thoughts.

She could sense his presence everywhere, it was like some little bells started ringing in the background each time.

She opened the door and then she sighed, looking at him: "what are you doing here, Jane?"

He entered, a basket of strawberries in his hand. "I missed you too, Lisbon! Now would you please explain to me what the hell it happened with Volker?" He asked, not really angry.

"I told you, nothing important."

"Yes but we both know you were lying."

"How do you know it? It was a text for God's sake!"

"Exactly my dear, you texted me because you were afraid I could call your bluff hearing your shaky voice by phone."

"I hate you, but you already know it at this point." She said, finding shelter in her kitchen.

"He knows something about Red John." She suddenly said, not realizing the weight of her words.

The seconds the words left her mouth, Jane launched himself toward her , like he was a kind of predator.

She saw that fire, the one that inflamed his eyes each time that name entered in the picture.

He stopped in front of her, looking at her with a little bit of rage. "What are you saying, Lisbon?"

"He told me a man came to him, asking him to stop playing with us, like we were his personal toys.. he wasn't Red John though, a minion I guess." She explained, suddenly feeling vulnerable.

"That's great, he can do an identikit or something, that's wonderful, we'll have a new lead, Lisbon!" He said excited.

She interrupted his enthusiasm, "she asked me to testify at the trial, in his defense. I'm not going to do that, obviously."

"What? You have to do that, I don't care about him, we are talking about Red John here Lisbon, open your eyes, I can't believe you haven't told me this before."

A traitor tear fell on her cheek, "that's the exact reason why I didn't tell you." She said, almost whispering. Then she turned, not able to meet his eyes or maybe not wanting to let him see her fragility.

She felt his arms embracing her from behind, his lips gently on her hair.

"I'm so sorry, I'm an idiot, Lisbon." He said, kissing her temple.

"The truth is, I'm the selfish one here Jane.. the idea of getting closer to him makes me sick because I can't bear the thought of you leaving me right now.. so I'm just trying to slow things down and take time, look how pathetic I am."

"I prefer your selfishness though." He whispered in her ear.

"We shouldn't do this Jane, this won't work." She said gesticulating in the air.

He turned her toward him, tilting her chin up to make her look at him.

"Look, I can't promise you anything but I'm sure of this, I'm a very selfish man, and you are the thing that I want the most right now, so I won't do anything to lose you, ok?" He said, stroking her cheek.

"I don't know, I'm too insecure, I'm scared.. there are too many "what if" I don't like it."

He sighed and then he replied, "that's because you're thinking only about negative "what if"."

"Yeah, right." She answered sarcastically.

"So my dear, what if we go in bed and I feed you with that giant strawberries that are waiting for us?"

"I love strawberries."

"I know, someone told me you have even stolen them once." He said, his arms around her waist.

She smiled, biting her lips.

"Tell me another "what if".

He pretended to think about it.

"What if we spend the night making love?" He asked bravely, she hid her face in his neck.

"What if I'm not ready?" She said, looking shyly at him.

He kissed her nose, finding her too adorable.

"Ok, lemme try again then, what if you spend the night in my arms, and I fix your blanket every time it will fall from your shoulders and you'll feel cold?"

"I like this." She smiled at him. "Jane, about Volker.."

"We'll talk about it tomorrow, don't worry now, ok?"

She nodded against his chest.

An hour later they were sprawled in her bed, the strawberries' basket empty on her bedside table.

He had spent the time teasing her lips with the little fruits and collecting the juice that had fallen not very innocently from her mouth. The result was, her neck a little bit sticky, his tongue everywhere.

He was asleep now and she couldn't stop looking at him. She stretched her left hand to move a small curl on his forehead, then caught in that sort of very familiar spell, she kept following his profile with her finger, like she was painting.

She touched his nose, slowly, and then his lips.. then she continued her way down until she reached his chest, covered with an old t-shirt.

The urge to touch him in a more intimate way led her to tuck her hand under his t-shirt, keeping the touch very light, not wanting to wake him up.

She wondered how it would have been to see him lose control, especially if she was the one who made him lose it. She wanted to see the emotions painted on his face, his expression during his release.

Suddenly she removed the blanket, she straddled him silently and careful not to touch him, each knee against each one of his hips.

She caressed the skin just above the elastic of his boxer and eventually she slipped her hand inside it.

She took his length in her hand, stroking it gently.

Jane woke up, confused, "Teresa, what are you.."

"Let me, please." She said against his lips, interrupting him and trapping his hands in her free one above is head. Then she kissed him slowly.

After some moments, she saw for the first time his face lost in pleasure, his lips searching hers while she retreated making them unreachable, only to tease him.

They were breathing together, the sensation of giving him pleasure was incredible.

After some moments she saw his release.

She kissed him softly three times, before returning on her side of her bed, then she looked at him, still breathless.

"Hi."

He chuckled, "hi beautiful."

She handed him a tissue to clean himself, she was his practical Lisbon even in these situations, he noticed, smiling.

"So, what was that, my dear?"

"I just wanted to be the one in control for once in my life." She replied smugly.

"Look who's talking, Boss." He teased her. "Do you know this is not a competition, right?" He asked, more seriously.

She sighed, "I know, I just needed that, I'm sorry, I'm probably acting like a teenager."

He chuckled and then he kissed her nose.

"Stop kissing my nose, you make me feel actually like a child." She snapped back.

"But you're so adorable with your inner dilemma." He explained sweetly. Then he straddled her, resting his elbows on the mattress and taking her face between his hands.

"Look at me, remember when we talked about happy memories? This is one from my childhood.. one day, I discovered this place, it was a cliff that overhung the ocean, it seemed very high to me, maybe now it wouldn't be, anyway, I had a dream, I wanted to dive into the ocean jumping from there. I was scared though, especially because I didn't know what there was beneath, so I kept returning there, day after day, each time I had some free time, until one day, I jumped. It has been amazing. And, you know what was the better part? When I was suspended, between the cliff and the ocean, the better part was the course. I was insecure, scared but then I found the ocean."

She smiled at him immediately.

"So Teresa, my question is: would you like to jump with me?"

She chuckled adorably and she pretended to think about the offer. "I don't know Jane, you make it seem like a serious proposal." She said, joking.

"It is my dear.. so, will you jump with me, Teresa?"

"Yes, I will." She said, still smiling.

"May I kiss the jumper now?" he asked, covering her laughs with his kisses.

She slept in his arms that night. She already knew she would have followed him everywhere, now, she also knew that she would have jumped into the ocean from a cliff with him.

She knew she loved him, the rest didn't count.

_One step at a time, Teresa._

And she fell asleep.

**AN: here we are girls, did you like it? The M part was too much? I don't think so but lemme know!**

**Also, what would you do if you were Lisbon? Would you accept Volker's offer or not?**

**I would Jump with Jane for sure.**


	10. Predestined

**AN: thanks to all my fantastic readers! This chapter follows the previous one but it's also a tag for 5x20, great episode in my opinion! I hope I made the two parts work well together. I wanted also give you some Jane's thoughts about his new relationship!**

**Enjoy it!**

The strange and exciting thing about being in a relationship with Teresa Lisbon was the steady feeling to live two different lives.

One second they were in bed, legs entangled, caressing each other like two teenagers in love,

the second after they were the same old partners, ready to solve a new case,

Lisbon snorting at every random assumption he made,

Jane enjoying every single moment of it.

He thought about the day they had just shared, about the lovely blush on her cheek when he had discovered her guilty pleasure in listening to strangers' problems at the radio, about how he had kept teasing her with secret fantasies and kinks.. her face when he had defined their relationship as platonic love, he bet she was reminding how her hand had been in his boxer in a not very platonic way the night before.

He thought about her adorable pout when he bought those shoes for Grace, she hasn't probably realized yet that he wanted to buy her every single shoe in the universe if she had allowed him.

He had noticed those small earrings on her lobes, the combination with her hair up in that practical ponytail gave her a princess look; he hadn't decided yet if it was stronger the urge to buy her a gown and make her dance all night or if loosen her hair, messing them up with his fingers and kiss her deeply against the wall.

Maybe he could do both, in that precise order though.

A thing was sure, he would have never worn a turtleneck, not really his kind of thing; he hated to feel his neck trapped, he wasn't even a fan of ties after all, besides he was pretty sure that his vest could switch her on however.

He was also sure that she had definitely a thing for his curls, nothing could compare to them.

The truth was, he had enjoyed all these little moments with her but he couldn't stop recalling those four little words that had assaulted his heart that morning, like a warm embrace, her warm embrace;

_Jane, I need you._

And he had felt the world stopping for a little bit.

Teresa Lisbon, the woman who had never asked anything to him, who could make him stop his obsessive hunt with a blink of an eye, little Miss independence had told him those words.

It wasn't the fact that she had shown him a small glimpse of her fragility, despite how much he loved her being fragile with him, but it was about the feeling those words had evoked in him.

He had always known Lisbon was a strong woman, but like every strong woman, she had her moments too, and these ones were probably even harder to bear.

She needed him, not only for that meaningless case, she needed him in her life, more than before, since they were together.

There was a part of him, the cautious one, that was trying to hold back his primary and truest desires, to not tell things he would have probably regretted; there was another though, that made him ask her to jump with her, like it was a marriage proposal, kiss her nose every time he had the privilege and caress her hair to make her fall asleep every night in his arms.

He could control this part, especially closed in his attic, away from her, from those eyes, the only able to draw his attention and to make him want to stare at them forever, never getting bored.

But when she had told her those simple words, he had understood that all his walls were falling down, not quite slowly.

_My body is a cage that keeps me from dancing with the one I love, but my mind holds the key._

It said an old song.

His heart didn't hold the key, his heart was already full of her in every possible way, but his mind could still steer his body at every step, because if it hadn't been for his mind, he had possibly already jumped with her years ago.

The morning before, barely awake in his arms, she had decided to not accept Volker's deal;

He wasn't surprised by her choice though, he was more surprised by his reaction:

pride, admiration.

He tried to justify his lack of rage with the fact that probably he had secretly wanted that decision since the start, because he was close now, like he had never been before, and maybe he felt this primary urge to complete his hunt alone, without any kind of help or shortcuts.

The truth was, Lisbon was the only woman who kept challenging him constantly; her choice hadn't been dictated by selfishness, but by her sense of justice and he was so in love with that particular fierce look she had every time justice was on the picture.

He knew it hadn't been an easy choice to her, he knew that she needed him now so he wasn't surprised that the second her words had been out of her mouth, he had been on his feet, almost forgetting about the book he was reading.

He got up from his dusty bed because he was tired of fighting the desire to be with her; he knew she wasn't at home, busy with her poker night and her sweet attempt to gain respect from his superiors and steal some info that could have been valid in future, like she had sensed there was something off about that whole gang.

It wasn't like he was writing a list with possible RJ candidates after all.

His goal for that night was different though, he wanted to prove to her that they were indeed a couple, an original but not less real couple.

He would have cooked a nice dinner for her that night, one of those things that a real couple does.

* * *

Lisbon was sipping her scotch, her stomach empty and she was regretting her choice to skip dinner at every sip. She wondered also why she was still losing time playing poker with a bunch of cocky men blinded by money and dreams of glory. Maybe she was trying to catch something interesting, some rash gesture, weird body language, like she was the mentalist in their couple.

They weren't a couple anyway.

She wanted to keep the FBI at their side, to soften Bertram.. she wanted to help Jane, essentially.

The truth was, she felt guilty for her choice, or maybe she just wanted to impress him.

She was observing silently every man around the table, enjoying the way she had started reading people and trying to guess the reason behind every single behavior or obsession.

She knew Jane was probably the main responsible for this but she honestly believed that his skills had actually made her a better detective.

There was Mancini, who kept eating her with his eyes from the moment she had entered in the room;

he was looking at her with that predator look, sipping his Whiskey and wetting his lips with his tongue, probably thinking to be sexy.

She looked away, trying to hold back an amused smile.

Then there was Smith who kept searching furtively for something in his pants' pocket;

Lisbon was pretty sure there were little pecans hidden in there, judging by the way he kept putting nonchalantly his hand near his mouth and by the little crumbles on his chin.

She felt the urge to laugh again.

And then the great Bertram, a small bead of sweat on his temple, the left hand engaged in loosening his tie a little bit more at every round, the only one taking this game a little too much seriously.

She left the table in search of food, she was starving, maybe she could find those pecans somewhere.

Her search though had been interrupted when she heard absently the conversation of those three puppets.

"So, we put Cooper's widow in jail this morning, well left apart that killer's vibe, she's really a sexy thing." Mancini said.

"Well, nobody will overtake Miss Martins in my opinion." Answered Smith, a dirty smile on his mouth.

"Miss Martins has been the only able to bring Patrick Jane out from his Bat-cave." The group started laughing.

"Come on, we all know, that ring is only a cover, I bet he takes home a different woman every night." Mancini said.

"I'm not so sure, sometimes I have the impression he's more on the other side, if you know what I mean."

Bertram joined them in the laughs, "well, his obsession with Red John is quite scary sometimes."

"he's madly in love with him." Mancini said laughing.

Teresa Lisbon was a balanced woman, but the moment she heard those words, she was marching in front of the man in question, her drink in her hand.

The second after, she threw her scotch on Mancini, enjoying the sound of the ice on his skin.

"Have a nice evening." And with that, she left the place.

Jane was waiting for her in her condo, she wasn't really surprised to find him there, she was happy more than anything else.

"What are you doing here?" She asked him, removing her jacket.

"Hello Lisbon, I'm cooking something special to you."

"Why? Jane, it's ten o'clock for God's sake."

"But, you have skipped dinner and you have only scotch and some pecans, I guess, in your little stomach."

She rolled her eyes at his correct assumption. "Fine, I'll shower first."

"I'll be waiting for you, my dear."

She was reaching the bathroom but then decided to come back in the kitchen, she approached him and she kissed him on his chin.

Then she left the room without saying anything.

Thirty minutes later, dressed in a shapeless t-shirt and sweatpants, she was ready for her dinner.

"You're such the epitome of elegance my dear!" He teased her despite he found her adorable in that outfit.

"Sorry Jane if I don't stay at home dressed like a freaking fragrance model every day." She answered.

"Fragrance model? I'm flattered, my dear." He smiled that irritating and quite sexy smile.

"Hush and gimme the food, I'm starving."

They started eating in silence until Jane interrupted the peace, "you know, me, waiting for you to come back from work and then cooking for you, we seem almost a couple."

Lisbon smiled, "ah ah, I know what you're trying to do, but no we are not."

"Why not?"

"Because the thought alone gives me chills, Jane."

He sighed defeated and then he tried again, "Fine, so if we are not a couple, it means we can go out with other people right?"

Lisbon felt a stab in her heart, "sure".

"Good, Katy from secretariat will be thrilled, she's trying to ask me out since months."

"Who is Katy?" She asked, pretending indifference.

"Oh, you know, the blonde one, tall, great legs.. she always wears those vintage tight skirts that.."

"I get it." She snapped back.

Then she put down the fork, not too gently, and she got up and reached her couch, never meeting his eyes.

Five minutes later, he sat down next to her, she immediately moved to the opposite side to make space between them. He tried to hold back a smile for her childish behavior, she was adorable.

"Someone seems upset.."

"Shut up!"

Then he reached for her foot, placed it gently on his lap and started massaging it.

She was wearing pink socks with little flowers on it.

"leave my feet alone." She said, letting out a little moan from her mouth.

" It was calling me, I couldn't resist.. God, both your feet together are smaller than my hand, look"

"I'm sorry, I bet Katy has great feet too."

"Aw, someone is jealous."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not."

"Ok, I'll ask her out tomorrow night."

"No."

He laughed, looking sweetly at her.

"Why do you have always to play with me?" She asked him softly.

"Because you're too adorable."

"Yes and short with small feet and short legs." She snapped back.

"Oh, but look at the bright side Lisbon, you're the only that I want." He answered, caressing her ankle.

"That's because you haven't another choice.. it's like I'm the easy choice, I already know how much a pain in the ass you are, and you're a master in manipulating me." She said.

"Teresa, you and easy are two words that can't work together.. besides, you has never been an easy choice, you has been the only one, always, maybe because no other woman could ever compete with you.. maybe Katy from secretariat.." He joked.

"Idiot." Was her answer. Then they laughed together.

"Let's play a game, Lisbon."

"What game?" She asked both scared and excited.

"Let's do what Grace and Rigsby have done this afternoon, let's pretend to be in one of those broadcasts you love so much and let's talk about us."

She was surprised, "why?"

"Because I will prove to you that we are indeed a couple, my dear." He answered hopeful.

"Ok, but keep doing that thing to my foot, please." She said, relaxing against the cushion.

He grinned and started talking. "So, Miss Lisbon, how did you and your boyfriend meet?"

She sighed, smiling. "At work, he was there for personal reasons and he ended up working with me."

"I bet you've a wonderful relationship, that special connection between partners.."

"Well, he's a great pain in the ass, one of the most exhausting men I ever met, but he's pretty smart and I love how his mind works."

"People say he's also quite handsome."

"Jane." She warned him.

"Sorry dear, so let's move on, when did you start have feelings for him?" He asked.

She bit her lips, looking shyly at him, "the first moment I saw him, it wasn't love of course, it wasn't physical attraction.. it was like a magnet that pulled me toward him, like a special link.. I don't know what it was, but I immediately knew that I would have seen him again, that things weren't over between us.

The day after he started working with me."

He held back the urge to pull her in his arms. "That's sweet, it's like you were predestined."

"I'd like to think we were." She answered sweetly.

"Ok, last question, There's something you haven't told him that you'd like to tell him?"

She was ready to say no, then she changed her mind, "actually yes, I wanna say to him to stop underestimate himself, that he's a good man, one of the best that I've ever known, that even if he sometimes acts selfishly, his selfishness is only apparent though, he does everything for the people who loves . Every woman at her side should feel damn lucky to be chosen by him. I feel that way every time he looks me in the eyes ."

He looked at her with bright eyes, almost fighting the lump he could feel in his throat.

Then he moved her leg, pulling her closer to him, he put an hand on her cheek and started kissing her, slowly.

It that kiss could have talked, it would have said how much he loved her.

He straddled her, never leaving her mouth, and making her lie down on the couch.

The kiss became from sweet to sensual in a blink of an eye.

He put his hand under her t-shirt, caressing slowly her stomach, making his fingertips dance on her ribcage.

One moment after he felt her hand over his, under the t-shirt.

She guided his hand above, meeting her right breast for the first time.

He started to caress it, slowly, trying to not make her uncomfortable, his lips still linked to hers.

She interrupted the kiss, he looked at her, noticing how she had raised her t-shirt exposing her bare breast.

She was adorably flushed and shy.

"Kiss me here." She whispered.

He lowered her head, kissed her belly, then she followed the exposed skin until his mouth was on her breast.

He felt her tremble under him, and feeling brave, he decided to find the elastic of her panties with his left hand. He slipped his hand inside, caressing her entrance slowly.

"Jane.."

"Shh, I got you." He said against her skin.

One minute after, the combined sensation of his mouth and fingers on her made her come helpless and quickly in his arms.

He fixed her clothes, and he removed her hair from her face.

She closed her eyes, not able to meet his gaze.

"I bet, you're not usually so shy in bed, my dear." He teased her.

"Hush! With you it's different."

"Why?"

"You know why." She slapped his arm playfully.

He kissed her nose.

"You have a creepy obsession with my nose, Jane, stop it." She said annoyed.

"Yes, I love it, it's the first thing I noticed in you and no, I won't stop." He answered, almost offended.

"What? It's the first thing? Gee, thanks for the compliment."

"Ok, it wasn't the first.. I always loved your dimples when you smile."

She laughed. "Oh stop, please."

"See? Everything I say, it won't be right anyway." He said defeated.

Lisbon raised her head and kissed him on his nose.

"So, since we are a couple now, do you know what a perfect boyfriend usually does? He carries her beautiful girlfriend in bed and keeps doing that amazing massage to her feet until she falls asleep." She said seriously.

He smiled and picked her up like a princess.

"So, we are a couple now?" He asked hopeful.

"Yes, but only because I didn't want to walk to reach my bed."

He brought her in her bedroom and then paused, looking at her.

"Lisbon?"

"mmm?"

"I'm the lucky one."

She smiled.

**AN: ok girls, I need to say a thing; I just found out that I'll start working in few days in a place away from my home for 3 months and I'm trying to find a way to finish this fic, because I will be without laptop. I'll try to do my best, but it will be very hard, I'm so sorry, I was enjoying this so much. Please forgive me if I won't be able to finish it soon.**

**Anyway, did you like the chapter?**

**You know how much I love your reviews, please.**


	11. Ready!

**AN: SURPRISE! ok guys, I don't know how but I did it, I finished this story. I couldn't leave you without an end, you've been so kind with me! I have to admit, I had already written the end in my mind since days. It's also a tag for 5x22 in a way.**

**The chapter is shorter, maybe not my best, but it's pretty intense however so, considering my lack of time I'm satisfied and happy to give you this kind of closure, I hope you like it!**

She knew that moment was close and she couldn't stop thinking about it.

She had lived with Jane, day after day, enjoying every single moment of it, never letting any kind of fear ruin their spell from the moment they had decided to be a couple.

She had tried, anyway.

Now, she was in front of him, in his attic, the memory of Lorelei's face still fresh in her mind, her hopeless expression combined with the dedication to her mentor that could be easily identified word after word.

That moment has arrived.

Not the moment in which Jane would have finally been in front of his nemesis, but the instant before, the one in which he was starting to understand how the time was running out, how the days seemed shorter and quite ineffable in a way.

The moment when he would have begun to distance himself.

She knew that, the second she met his eyes for the first time.

"Jane?" She tried tentatively, she had the impression that every possible word would have seemed wrong anyway.

"You need to leave." Was his answer.

She tried to hide how much those words had dug a hole in her stomach, "why?"

"Because I need to stay alone, stay focused on this, I just.. I need time and space."

"We are in this together, Jane." She answered calm.

"I don't think so, this is getting out of hands, I was wrong about everything, this was a mistake." He said gesturing between them.

"Are you regretting it?" She asked almost scared of knowing his answer.

"No." He said immediately, "but, if something will happen to you, I won't forgive myself this time."

"Well, it's not like you have forgiven yourself the first time." She said softly.

They stayed in silence for a moment.

"I'm scared." He said suddenly, turning to look outside the glass window and she was surprised by his honesty.

She approached him, embracing him from behind and resting her head between his shoulder blades.

"I'm here, Jane." She whispered against his vest.

He turned, looking at her and framing her face with his hands.

"Teresa, I'm serious, I need to stay alone until all of this will be over.. I can't be focused on this when the only thing I would like to do is stay with you every single minute of my day, so please, leave me and trust me."

"A-are you leaving me, Jane?" She asked, her bright eyes almost betrayed her.

"This is not a goodbye, I promise, I just need to do this alone and you are a very big distraction my dear, you and those big dangerous eyes." He said, caressing her cheek.

"What will you do?" She asked, now scared.

"The truth? I really don't know."

She considered his words, the way he kept caressing her face, gently, like she was a ceramic doll and he had been enchanted by her fragility.. his eyes scared, almost hopeless, searching for her answer.

She felt his pain, his need;

She felt something different, she knew she could trust him, without doubts, she knew he wasn't wearing any mask. She put her hand on his and eventually replied.

"Ok, I'll stay away from you until you need it, but at one condition."

"Yes?"

She looked at him, suddenly feeling brave, "I wanna make love to you, right now."

He sighed, "Teresa.."

"I don't want to live wondering what I've missed, what would have been.. I don't know what will happen, but I want you now."

"Not here." He said immediately.

"I said, I want you right now, so here and now." She said.

Then she moved, approaching the famous wall and removing every creepy picture or map from it.

"You don't need these now, you'll probably spend most of the time here next days, and I want to leave you a happy memory." She said, keeping ordering the place and smiling shyly at him.

"You're not authoritarian at all, aren't you?" He asked amused.

"Oh, but you like it when I get all authoritarian with you." She smirked.

They had never made love before, they had fought against their desires until now.

Jane had been ready since their first kiss,

Lisbon no.

She had promised herself that she would have waited until his hunt would have ended.

She had never considered though, that the Jane with whom she had fallen in love was the one in front of her in that moment.

The one marked from the ghosts of his past, the one who closed himself in a dusty attic to elaborate ingenious schemes, the one who wanted to keep people he loved away, only to save them, maybe from him, maybe from his actions. She wanted that Jane, because every honest touch, pure gesture from him were actually more meaningful and deep somehow.

_Lying in bed, thinking of Patrick, you're a little bit in love with him, uh?_

She had spent whole nights doing that, but the man at the center of her thoughts had been the one still fighting with his mind to reach his goal and dealing with his demons to find some peace;

her annoying consultant who brightened her day even only showing to her how that clever mind worked.

When everything would have been over, if they both would have been still alive and free, then.. then she would have loved him even more.

She didn't care about the hardwood under her body, about the lack of romanticism, candles and petals.

She cared about the way he was undressing her, slowly, like he didn't want to rush the moment.

She cared about the first meeting between their bare skins, about his fingertips that suddenly seemed feathers on her stomach.

She cared about his eyes that kept hunting her at every move.

Suddenly she would have to be haunted forever.

His lips reaching her everywhere, in places she had only fantasized about and the sensation alone of his curls brushing her inner thighs made her tremble.

She was ready for him, and in that moment she realized that she had never wanted anything more in her life.

He guided himself near her entrance, the sweat and the slight insecurity made him almost more desirable.

He kissed her forehead, her nose and then he found her mouth.

"You know what's the first thing I thought when I met you?" He whispered against his lips.

She stayed in silence, almost scared of breaking the spell.

He kissed her lobe, "one day, she will be mine."

And the second after,

he was inside her, she was his.

_**2 months after.**_

Lisbon knew her free day would have been a memorable one the moment she saw his irritating smile, once opened the door of her condo.

Memorable also for the short pants and the white t-shirt he was wearing.

"What do you want?" She asked, leaning to one side and smiling at him.

"I wanna take you somewhere." And his hand found her wrist.

"Jane, wait, I'm in a sweatpants!" She complained.

"You're perfect, it's not like you're usually a fashion victim anyway." He said, chuckling.

She hit his arms. "Funny."

She spent the whole road trip trying to figure out the craziness of his intentions but she didn't waste her energies to ask him where he was taking her.

Red John was dead, thirty days before, Jane had pulled the trigger.

Self-defense, since he had fired the shot with RJ's hands around his neck, ready to strangle him.

Jane disappeared for a week after that, hiding himself in the specter of his old house in Malibu;

she had never judged him or his choice.

He had told her that wasn't a goodbye, she trusted him.

Then ,one day, he had come back and they had started dancing around each other like two shy teenagers both aware of their mutual love.

There had been smiles, dinners, stolen kisses and origami.

They had started again, a fresh beginning.

She glanced at him, noticing his bare finger around the steering wheel;

He took of his ring the first time they had dinner together, an important one in a fancy restaurant, like it was a real date, cloth napkins and everything.

The thought of it made her smile.

"Here we are." He interrupted her mental trip.

The moment she was outside the car, Lisbon found herself on a breathtaking cliff on the ocean.

"Jane?" she asked petrified.

"Yes, my dear?"

"Where the hell did you find this place?"

"Oh, I was wandering around, you know.. lovely, isn't it?" He grinned at her.

"I'm afraid to ask you why are we here, Jane."

"Because Teresa, you need to keep your promise and jump with me now."

She laughed hysterically, "are you out of your mind? I won't jump with you from this freaking cliff, Jane."

"Oh come on, it's not even high and besides, it's sure, I saw plenty of children doing the same."

"I don't have a swimsuit." She tried, hopeful.

"You don't need one, besides the water is pretty cold, your clothes will be fine."

She sighed desperate, trying to find a way to escape.

She tried to remember when it had been the last time she had done something so foolish and exciting at the same time; she realized, she didn't know that and the thought alone made her almost sad.

Maybe she was ready now, after all.

"Tell me why I'm doing this, Jane."

"Because you love me." He said instinctively, almost regretting his words.

She looked at him, enjoying the nervousness caused by his own words.

"I do." She said, smiling.

He reached for her hand, kissing it.

The urge to kiss her was too strong but he wanted to jump first.

"Now we can jump my dear, are you ready?"

"Maybe."

He chuckled. "Ok Lisbon, at my three.. 1..2.."

"Wait, wait." She interrupted him. "You haven't told me that you love me, I'm not sure I want to jump with you."

He smiled, enjoying her childish behavior. "I love you more than my life, my couch and my cup of tea."

He said, never leaving her eyes.

She was the one counting now, holding his hand, "now I'm ready." She said, smiling. " 3..2..1 "

They jumped.

When they emerged from the cold water, there were only laughs, coughing and salt in the nostrils.

The jump had pulled them slightly away, they were distant from each other, but still connected by their smiles.

"Lisboooon?" He said louder.

"Yes Jane?"

He paused, looked at her and then eventually,

"will you marry me?"

She smiled again.

**AN: Ahhhh, did you like the end? I know maybe it's a bit OC but I really couldn't resist, I'm sorry! **

**I'm so emotional right now, don't ask me why. A thing is sure, you have been the best readers ever, I hope you had enjoyed this story, I loved writing it for sure. I'll keep writing stuff about this show because I can't live without it, hope that you all will keep following me.**

**THANK YOU.**


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